You and I: Becoming Us Again
by SaveMarissa
Summary: Starts off right after the crash, but will eventually be a future fic...RM...When will Marissa stop running? Will it be too late for Ryan to save her?
1. Saying Goodbye

Ryan Atwood had never cried before this. He was always the strong one because he could keep his emotions in control. Whenever his mom was drunk or someone had tried to harm one of his friends, rage was the only emotion that ever took hold of him. It was never sadness. But now, as he stood staring out the pool house window at the bright summer day before him, he realized how much she had meant to him and knew why she was the one who finally made him cry. He had loved her, truly and fully, and no one would ever take her place.

_A police car __  
__Was outside your house today __  
__I haven't seen you in a couple of days __  
__They knocked on your door __  
__And then they went away __  
__Your mother looked scared __  
__But she didn't cry __  
__She didn't cry_

Julie Cooper hadn't said anything when Ryan rode up to Summer's house in the police car to tell her that her daughter had died in a car crash. Worst of all, her body had been stolen after Ryan went to chase after an ambulance that he heard from a distance. There were no tears from her because Julie was just like him. She hated him, but in that moment, they knew they were the same person. Marissa had left them and no one was ever going to take her place.

_On one hand I've got myself to blame __  
__But on the other it's always the same ___

_Follow suit, shake your head __  
__Tell me that is a lie __  
__I don't want you to death __  
__But I want you to die __  
__Without a good friend __  
__On a sunshine __  
__I know I want survival __  
__But you don't know why_

Ryan had known that one breath had been Marissa's last. As he held her in his arms, he tried to whisper that he loved her, to revive her, but it was too late. She was gone. And now he was lost. He blamed himself for not doing something more to save her, but deep down, he knew there was nothing he could have done. His conscience constantly nagged him, telling him he could have, no, that he SHOULD have saved her! So, why didn't he? What else could he have done?

_Where is she __  
__Where is she __  
__Where is my baby girl? __  
__I've seen you __  
__You're crazy __  
__What have you done with my whole wide world? ___

_On one hand I've got myself to blame __  
__But on the other it's always the same thing __  
_  
He turned around. He couldn't stare at that beautiful day anymore, knowing that there were girls laughing on the beach, and that one of those girls wasn't Marissa. He couldn't stand knowing that there were boys at the pier holding their girlfriends tight, and that one of those boys wasn't him. Ryan turned around and saw a mirror. Inside, he saw Volchok. The rage inside him grew so quickly that there was nothing Ryan could do to stop it. He ran toward the mirror and smashed it, screaming in anger and pain as the glass shattered all around him. Volchok hadn't been there, but he was always in Ryan's mind and he would never leave.

_Follow suit, shake your head __  
__Tell me that is a lie __  
__I don't want you death__  
__But I want you to die __  
__Without a good friend __  
__On a bad day __  
__Without a soft surrender __  
__Now what do you say ___

_All of these tears that we've cried __  
__All of these tears that we've cried _

There had been a memorial service a few days ago, but Ryan hadn't attended. No one had spoken to him in days, but he didn't want to speak to them anyway. Marissa had left him without so much as a goodbye or an "I love you"! He knew this wasn't her fault, but he couldn't even stop himself from blaming her. He had watched the Cohens and Summer through the window the evening after the funeral. Summer was bawling constantly. She had lost her best friend. Ryan had lost his true love. That day had been more than a bad day. It had been the only day in Ryan's life that he had ever genuinely thought about committing suicide, just so he could be with her again. Just so he wouldn't cry anymore.

_Where is she __  
__Where is she __  
__Where is my baby girl? __  
__I've seen you __  
__And you're crazy __  
__What have you done with my whole wide world?_

"I'm so sorry, Marissa."

He whispered these words as he sunk on to the bed, his head in his hands. There was nothing else to say. She was gone and he couldn't even say goodbye to her or ever visit her grave because she was never going to be there. He knew that Volchok had taken the body, just so he wouldn't have been charged with murder. This made Ryan hate him even more. He had taken away everything that Ryan had ever wanted in just a matter of minutes.

_Where is she __  
__Where is she __  
__Where is my baby girl? __  
__I've seen you __  
__And you're crazy __  
__What have you done with my whole wide world? __  
__What have you done with my whole wide world? __  
__What have you done ...?_

She had been everything to him. And now, he felt like nothing.

"Dammit Kevin, she won't wake up!"

"Well, I can't get back there right now, Heather! I'm kind of busy"

"What do we do if she's dead? How are we going to cover up a murder?"

The tires of Kevin Volchok's van screeched as he stomped on the brakes and turned into a ditch on the side of the road. He threw open the driver's door and slid the side door so that it clanged. Heather looked nervous and afraid as he took Marissa Cooper's body from her lap. He shook her and screamed:

"Wake up, princess! You're not in your fairy tale anymore!"

No luck. She was out cold and he grew even more enraged.

"Marissa, if you don't wake up, you'll never see Ryan again!"

_Ryan. _The name instantly stirred something in her heart and her eyes fluttered open to see the vicious face of Volchok staring straight back at her. She screamed and hit the cold concrete, wincing in pain and weakness. He smiled evilly.

"Good. You're awake. Do you remember what happened?"

She thought for a second. The crash came back in bits and pieces and she remembered Ryan holding her in his arms. But how had the crash started? She looked at him, she looked at the van with Heather inside, and suddenly it all came together. Volchok had almost killed her, and now, he had taken her hostage.

"Take me home."

"What's that, _sweetie_?"

"Take me home. NOW. No more games. No more kidnapping. Take me back."

"See, I would, but I don't want you running off and telling everybody what a bad person I am and charging me with attempted murder and things like that. So, that's why I've decided you're coming with me and Heather to Mexico. Get in the van."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"Maybe you'll understand this better. Hell. No."

He brought his hand up and slapped Marissa across the face. She stumbled again, but this time, fell into the van.

"Watch your legs, _angel_."

He slammed the door and got back around to the driver's seat. Marissa had nothing to do now, except dream.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?__  
__Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?__  
__'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,__  
__Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._

The sun was just beginning to rise as she saw the sign welcoming them to Mexico. She cried silently, knowing that she hadn't said that she loved Ryan before they had parted. And now, he probably believed that she was dead because he had no reason not to. They had been doomed from the start, but she always believed they could make it. They were star-crossed lovers who, against all odds, had kept that love alive.

_So I took what's mine by eternal right.__  
__Took your soul out into the night.__  
__It may be over but it won't stop there_

Right now, things looked pretty hopeless. Volchok was leading them into the middle of nowhere to live for god-knows how long. Still, it wasn't over. Marissa still loved Ryan, and she would eventually tell him. No matter what.

_I am here for you if you'd only care.__  
__You touched my heart you touched my soul.__  
__You changed my life and all my goals.__  
__And love is blind and that I knew when,__  
__My heart was blinded by you._

She had fallen for him that first night at the end of the driveway. Before then, she was the queen of Harbor High, the lead deb, and the girl everyone wanted, but only Luke Ward could have. After that boy from Chino told her that he could be whoever he wanted her to be, nothing was the same.

_I've kissed your lips and held your hand.__  
__Shared your dreams and shared your bed.__  
__I know you well, I know your smell.__  
__I've been addicted to you._

They had done everything together. She could still taste his lips on hers, could hear him talking to her and breathing when they had nothing to say. That night in the tiki hut was the end. She had other boyfriends after Ryan, but none of them could ever hope to compare. She only prayed she would get the chance to tell him that.

_Goodbye my lover.__  
__Goodbye my friend.__  
__You have been the one.__  
__You have been the one for me._

She wanted so badly to be near him now. But she wasn't, and she figured she was a distant memory to him by now. Ryan wouldn't want to remember something as horrible as that crash.

_I am a dreamer and when I wake,__  
__You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.__  
__And as you move on, remember me,__  
__Remember us and all we used to be__  
__I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.__  
__I've watched you sleeping for a while.__  
__I'd be the father of your child.__  
__I'd spend a lifetime with you._

She cursed herself for not saying she loved him. They had spent those last precious moments together on the side of the road, and they were the most passionate she had ever experienced. If she ever got back to him, she was never going to let him go.

_I know your fears and you know mine.__  
__We've had our doubts but now we're fine,__  
__And I love you, I swear that's true.__  
__I cannot live without you.___

_Goodbye my lover.__  
__Goodbye my friend.__  
__You have been the one.__  
__You have been the one for me._

All of this confirmed what was meant to be. Without Ryan, there was no her. She felt empty and cold. She loved him, but could do nothing to let him know. It killed her inside to know how badly he must be suffering.

_And I still hold your hand in mine.__  
__In mine when I'm asleep.__  
__And I will bare my soul in time,__  
__When I'm kneeling at your feet.__  
__Goodbye my lover.__  
__Goodbye my friend.__  
__You have been the one.__  
__You have been the one for me._

She needed some way to remember him as she drifted off to sleep and when they got to wherever they were going. Suddenly, she looked down at her shirt and saw that she was wearing Ryan's wifebeater. She had stolen it when they were in the model home because she wanted to take a piece of him with her to Greece. She snuggled up in the corner of the dirty van and clutched the bottom of her shirt tightly with one hand. They had said goodbye, but it wasn't forever. Right?

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.__  
__I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.__  
__I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.__  
__I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._

He had been everything to her. And now, she felt like nothing.


	2. Addiction turns to Desperation

A/N: Previous chapter song credits: "Where Is She?" by The Killers and "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt...This chapter song credit: "Addicted" by Kelly Clarkson...Please review! (P.S. I can't figure out how to put lines or spaces in to separate the chapters! Could some one help me with that?...Thanks!)

3 weeks. The three of them had been living together in a shack in the middle of the Mexican wilderness for 3 weeks. But for Marissa, this time felt like an eternity. Every day that passed was a day that Ryan could be falling for another girl, someone to replace his broken heart. Marissa and Heather had never been close friends, but both of them silently agreed that this was hell.

Luckily, Marissa had found a few dollars in her jeans, and when Volchok allowed Heather to drive the van to a carryout 30 minutes away, Marissa was able to convince her to buy some scissors, a box of black hair dye, and some eyeliner. This was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done, but Marissa was a Cooper. She was resilient. She would do what needed to be done to make sure that Ryan never forgot her.

_It's like you're a drug__  
__It's like you're a demon I can't face down__  
__It's like I'm stuck__  
__It's like I'm running from you all the time__  
__And I know I let you have all the power_

_It's like the only company I seek is misery all around__  
__It's like you're a leech__  
__Sucking the life from me_

For the past 3 weeks, Marissa had let Volchok have control over her. There had been many nights where she cried herself to sleep, and the things she used to enjoy with him were now forced and painful. He was tainting her, and making her more impure, so that if she ever did get back to Ryan, he'd be too ashamed to touch her.

_It's like I can't breathe__  
__Without you inside of me__  
__And I know I let you have all the power__  
__And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time_

Marissa had vowed never to give up because she knew that would be the hardest thing she ever had to do. Leaving Ryan after being addicted to him for so long seemed impossible now, and it wasn't something she was willing to do anyway.

_It's like I can't breathe__  
__It's like I can't see anything__  
__Nothing but you__  
__I'm addicted to you__  
__It's like I can't think__  
__Without you interrupting me__  
__In my thoughts__  
__In my dreams__  
__You've taken over me__  
__It's like I'm not me__  
__It's like I'm not me_

She walked into the bathroom and lightly closed the door. Volchok was sleeping and Heather was flipping through a magazine that she had picked up while she was out. Heather had decided that this was her fate, so she might as well make herself comfortable. Marissa wasn't willing to let herself get used to this. If she did, her will wouldn't be as strong. So, she kept the one motivation that she had in the forefront of her mind. Ryan.

_It's like I'm lost__  
__It's like I'm giving up slowly__  
__It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me__  
__Leave me alone_

Marissa stared in the mirror and finally gathered the courage to begin cutting her hair so that it came just above her shoulders. Once that was finished, she carefully read the back of the box of hair dye and began to work the liquid through her hair. She was saying goodbye to her old hair color and her old self. She was no longer going to be weak and cowardly. Still, as she looked at that unfamiliar face, with its short black hair, she was haunted by her past, and knew that this wasn't going to be easy. She saw the face of Trey Atwood in the mirror, right after she had almost committed his murder. She started to scream, but then stopped herself. Nothing scared Marissa Cooper anymore.

_And I know these voices in my head__  
__Are mine alone__  
__And I know I'll never change my ways__  
__If I don't give you up now_

"Stay calm, Marissa, just stay calm."

She whispered silently to herself as she opened the eyeliner pencil with a quivering hand. She had to stay strong for her sanity, for her love, and for Ryan, the only person who ever truly gave a damn about her in the way that she needed someone to.

_It's like I can't breathe__  
__It's like I can't see anything__  
__Nothing but you__  
__I'm addicted to you__  
__It's like I can't think__  
__Without you interrupting me__  
__In my thoughts__  
__In my dreams__  
__You've taken over me__  
__It's like I'm not me__  
__It's like I'm not me_

She quickly traced around her eyes with the pencil, and looked at the face in the mirror. This was it. She heard Volchok begin to stir in the other room. He was muttering for Marissa to bring him another beer, but he was about to get the surprise of a lifetime. She walked in the kitchen, past Volchok and Heather and the mini refrigerator he had kept in the van.

_I'm hooked on you__  
__I need a fix__  
__I can't take it__  
__Just one more hit__  
__I promise I can deal with it__  
__I'll handle it, quit it__  
__Just one more time__  
__Then that's it_

This was the end. After this, she would be Ryan's forever. However, now, she needed to take care of Volchok for good. This time would be for all the men Marissa had let use her over the years. This time would be for her future. She wouldn't let them get the best of her anymore. It was too bad for Volchok that he was going to be on the receiving end of all of Marissa's pent up rage.

_Just a little bit more to get me through this__  
__I'm hooked on you__  
__I need a fix__  
__I can't take it__  
__Just one more hit__  
__I promise I can deal with it__  
__I'll handle it, quit it__  
__Just one more time__  
__Then that's it__  
__Just a little bit more to get me through this_

She kept Ryan's picture in the front of her mind at all times. This was her last stand as a "bad girl". It was all over now. But she wanted to go out strong. So, she grabbed a knife from the kitchen and put it behind her back, walking into the other room. Marissa saw Heather leaving as she looked out the window. _Perfect._ Volchok looked up and saw her standing there.

"Where's my beer, bitch? And what did you do to your hair?"

"You like it?"

"No, I think it sucks. Now, where's my beer?"

"I'm done playing this game with you, Kevin. Take me home before things get a hell of a lot worse for you."

He stood up and laughed in her face.

"The little Newport princess is threatening me. How sweet. This isn't a fairytale. You're going to lose because I'm a lot stronger and a lot smarter than you."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that."

He grabbed her arm and started to throw her down. But Marissa knew those eyes had been coming. She saw the rage form, and she knew he was reaching his point of no return. It was now or never. She removed the knife from behind her back and raised it high.

_It's like I can't breathe__  
__It's like I can't see anything__  
__Nothing but you__  
__I'm addicted to you__  
__It's like I can't think__  
__Without you interrupting me__  
__In my thoughts__  
__In my dreams__  
__You've taken over me_

She brought the knife back down and watched as it pierced the skin right near Volchok's chest. She saw the horrors in front of her, but she just couldn't stop. This was how Ryan would have finished things, and he wouldn't stop until it was over. He was in her head, controlling her. Somehow making her feel like this was all right. She stabbed him five more times before he spat up blood, leaving a small stain on Ryan's wifebeater. Suddenly, everything became a lot more real. And one thought popped into her mind. _I am a murderer._

_It's like I'm not me_

Marissa's eyes got wide and she dropped the knife, hearing it clang on the hard concrete floor. Volchok's body fell, slumped over their makeshift couch. She couldn't breathe anymore. The whole world was spinning and she felt sick. She started to breathe heavily, her chest heaving up and down, and she stared through her newly dyed hair, looking at her ex-boyfriend lying dead in front of her. All because of her love for Ryan.

_It's like I'm not me_

An hour later, Marissa Cooper was standing in front of that bathroom mirror where she had first made the decision to get rid of Kevin Volchok for good. At that time, she had been washing hair dye off of her hands, but now, the color that swirled in the sink wasn't black. It was red.

She walked through the kitchen and into the living room where his body was still lying, now it had fallen on the floor. She picked up the knife and examined it. There were bits of blood and flesh all over, but Marissa failed to notice. She wasn't afraid of anything anymore. As he suffered, she had watched, scared at first, but then becoming desensitized. At least he wouldn't bother her anymore. She had made sure of that.

She walked outside to the spot where she knew Heather would be coming back in a few minutes. She had gone out to do some grocery shopping for the three of them. Marissa wasn't exactly sure how she was going to tell Heather about what happened, but then, she saw a piece of paper lying on the ground and realized it didn't matter anymore. The note read: "Never trust an abused kidnap victim with the keys to your van." _Dammit. _Marissa kicked the dirt angrily. Now what? How was she going to get rid of the body? More importantly, how was she going to get away? She sat on the ground as the sun set, and thought about what she could do to make this situation go away.

The next day, Marissa walked into a bar 2 miles down the road, tired and anxious. Volchok's body was still back at the shack, and she had no money and no car. She sat on a bar stool, and grabbed some peanuts, not saying anything to anyone. A shady looking man with a beer gut and a confederate flag t-shirt came up to her and bought her a drink. He started to hand it to her and she snapped.

"I don't take drinks from strangers."

"Why not?"

"You're a local. How do I know you don't do this to sweet little American girls like me all the time?"

"First of all, I'm Rick from Alabama, so I'm not a local. Second of all, I bought you this here drink because you looked like you needed it. You don't look like the sweet and innocent type who drinks pink lemonade if you know what I mean."

She laughed spitefully, "You have no idea how many drinks I would need to cover up what I've done. You're right about the innocent part though."

"Truth or dare, little missy?"

"Okay, my name's Marissa, and I'm in a really bad mood and don't feel like playing truth or dare with a drunk who's just trying to 'make my day' or whatever the hell else you'd call it."

"I guess we'll go with truth. What did you do, _Marissa?_"

She turned and looked him dead in the eye. He looked slightly intimidated, but didn't move from his spot.

"I killed my ex-boyfriend. I stabbed him until he couldn't breathe. And then I watched him die."

He looked stunned.

"You're a scary bitch. You know that?"

"Let me ask you something. Truth or dare?"

"Dare. It better be a good one too. I never lose at this, especially not to a woman."

She smiled evilly and hopped off of her stool, standing so that they were level. He gazed at the fire in her eyes as she spoke.

"Rick, I dare you to get rid of his body. You don't want to lose the game, do you?"

At 3 o'clock the next afternoon, Marissa Cooper was driving toward Newport Beach, California in a stolen car, courtesy of her newest drinking buddy. As for Kevin Volchok, Rick and two other unnamed faces watched him fall to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, never to be seen again by the light of day. But Rick never did things like this without getting paid. And he had given that little princess everything she needed to make her great escape. Someday, he'd get his too. He'd make sure of that.


	3. The Girl Next Door

_I hope all my days will be lit by your face__  
__I hope all the years will hold tight our promises_

Ryan Atwood was sitting at the beach, watching the sun set, holding a picture of Marissa in his hands. In it, she was riding on Ryan's back down the pier, laughing hysterically as he tried to throw her off of him. This was the Marissa he wanted to remember. He wanted the beauty and the stunning nature of her personality. Not that broken girl he had seen for the last time in the middle of the road.

_I don't want to be old and sleep alone__  
__An empty house is not a home__  
__I don't want to be old and feel afraid_

He felt something start to sting his eyes as he gazed at that picture. Then, he heard footsteps coming toward him, and he tried to wipe his eyes as best as he could. He looked up and saw Summer Roberts standing over him. The two of them hadn't really spoken lately and he was sure that she blamed him for what had happened to her best friend.

"You okay, Chino?"

"No, but I'm trying. What about you?"

"Trying, but failing most of the time."

"Yeah, I completely understand. Listen, I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing you need to apologize for. You couldn't have saved her."

"I shouldn't have left her. I should have stayed."

"Those regrets will be with you forever, Ryan, but they can't change the past. Marissa wouldn't want you hurting like this."

"I know. How was the memorial?"

She scoffed and wiped away a few tears.

"It was shit. All those people telling stories about Marissa like they knew her so well. The only girls that came from school came for free booze. And that pisses me off more than anything in the world. I mean, I loved her, you loved her, her parents were there, and here were these girls telling stories about how they played tennis with Marissa once or begged her to be a cheerleader with them. Marissa didn't give a fuck about tennis or cheerleading!"

Summer began to cry hard, but it wasn't the sympathetic mourning cry that she had been giving these past few weeks. It was a release of everything that she had been keeping inside. Everything she hadn't been able to say, until now. Ryan put his arm around her, and comforted her until she stopped crying.

"I'm sorry. That was really bad. I've never exploded like that before."

"It's all right, Sum. You feel better now?"

"Much. You know, I think that's the first time you saved me."

"Guess you were too drunk to remember the first time."

Summer looked confused, but thought for a second. Finally, she laughed. The memory had come back to her.

"Oh my god. When I hit on you at Holly's party, and I practically molested you. I'm so sorry."

They both had a good laugh, which helped them to release some of the pain they had been keeping since Marissa's death.

"Who would have thought that I'd fall in love with Marissa instead of you, the girl who threw her drunken self at me on my very first night in Newport? I mean, it was a very charming pick-up attempt."

They laughed again and just stared out at the ocean. Finally, Summer spoke up, slightly apprehensively.

"Hey Chino?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we have our own memorial?"

"What do you mean?"

"We'll say goodbye to Marissa the right way. We'll have a bonfire, tell stories and memories, and...I don't know, bury Share Bear in the sand or something."

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Summer was about to take back her idea when Ryan spoke up.

"You know what? That sounds like a great idea. I'll meet you and Seth back here in an hour. Is that cool?"

She nodded and smiled.

"I know Coop will be with us tonight. She'll be smiling down on us and sending her love."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ryan was standing in the pool house, trying to figure out the perfect outfit to wear. It sounded really stupid, but he wanted to impress Marissa. He wanted to let her know that he always loved her and that he always would. Sure, they hadn't been together when that car crash had taken her from him, but they had always had a connection and that would never fade.

He turned and looked in the new mirror that the Cohens had purchased for him after he had broken the other one in his very own rage blackout. He was wearing a light blue button up shirt and his nicest pair of pants. He straightened the tie he had tied himself and looked down at his outfit to make sure that everything was right. But when he looked up, he saw something that he wasn't ever expecting to see again.

_I don't want to be old and sleep alone__  
__An empty house is not a home__  
__I don't want to be old and feel afraid_

He turned around. He had had hallucinations before, but most were right after she had died. This was just like that, wasn't it? But this one was different. This wasn't the Marissa Cooper he kept in his mind. She looked broken, with her short black hair and thick eyeliner. This wasn't possible. Marissa Cooper could not be standing right here in front of him. She walked closer and touched his face. He instantly crumbled at her warm touch. This _was_ possible. She put her arms around him and he kissed up and down her neck, trying to taste as much of her skin as possible. She moaned quietly, feeling safe again and forgetting all about the rest of the world. Finally, she pulled away, still holding on to him, so that she could look into his eyes again.

"But...I don't understand. You're here...with me."

She nodded and he looked her figure up and down. Suddenly, his eye came upon the blood stain on her, well his, wifebeater.

"What happened to you, Marissa?"

Hearing his voice project her name once again sent shivers up her spine. She lifted the shirt over her head and threw it to the ground.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

_And if I need anything at all__  
__I need a place that's hidden in the deep__  
__Where lonely angels sing you to your sleep_

She put both of her hands on his face and gave Ryan the most passionate kiss the two of them had ever experienced. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and they stood there for a few minutes, just soaking in each other's presence. They drifted over to the door where Ryan locked it and put down the blinds. He pressed Marissa's body against one of the windows and placed kisses all along her body. She whispered his name in faint moans as he removed her skirt and picked her up, moving over to the bed.

_Though all the world is broken__  
__I need a place where I can make my bed__  
__A lover's lap where I can lay my head__  
__'Cause now the room is spinning_

Marissa began to unbutton Ryan's shirt as he hovered over her. She threw it to the side and began to work on his belt. He put his arms around her back and lifted her up, lying against him. She began to kiss his neck while getting rid of his belt. She moved back to his lips and they were once again captured in an intense liplock while they shed the rest of their clothing.

Marissa's breath became ragged and urgent. Ryan held her as best as he could and whispered her name over and over again. Earlier, it had seemed like he would never say her name like this ever again. This time was better than their time in the tiki hut because the pool house had always been their place and it always would be. Marissa whispered in short gasps.

"Ry...Ryan..."

"Yeah? What is it? You okay?"

She nodded furiously and gulped, opening her eyes for a second so that they could truly connect.

"I just...wanted to say...that I...I love you, Ryan Atwood."

Within an instant, she moaned loudly and both of them collapsed, exhausted, chests heaving. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, cheeks, and lips gently. She had already begun to fall asleep in his arms when he whispered.

"I love you too, Marissa Cooper."

_The day's beginning_


	4. Reunions

The next morning, Marissa sat up in the pool house bed, taking in all of her surroundings. She looked down at Ryan and smiled, moving her hand through his hair as he slept. She was about to lay back down and fall asleep against him when she saw someone sitting in the chair next to the bed. But that wasn't possible.

"Hey baby. Long time no see."

She gasped, unable to say anything. He smiled evilly and laughed spitefully.

"Seems like you didn't miss me too badly. Otherwise, you wouldn't be lying next to your second choice."

"You're not really here. I got rid of you. You're not real."

"Yeah you got me good, doll face. But I'm never going to leave you."

Volchok got up and walked over to Marissa's shell-shocked frame. He put a finger to her head and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"I'll always be right here."

His words echoed as she screamed frantically. Ryan bolted up and saw Marissa shaking and screaming. He put his arms around her and tried to calm her hysterics.

"Shh. Marissa, it's okay. I've got you. No one's going to hurt you. Come on, it's okay. Let's lay back down."

She stopped screaming and nodded, tears drying on her face. She let Ryan gently push her back on to the bed, but before she closed her eyes and relaxed into him, she had to make sure of one thing. So, she rolled over to look, and just as she suspected, no one was in the chair. And no one ever had been.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Two hours later, the clock in Seth Cohen's bedroom read 8:30. He peeked through one eye and groaned at seeing how early it was. Just as he was about to roll over and go back to sleep, his bedroom door burst open and his angry girlfriend came rushing in.

"Get up, Cohen!"

"Why? It's 8:30 and we were out till 2 this morning! I'm so tired!"

"We need to stage an intervention. Now."

"With who, Summer? Who do we need to save at 8:31 in the morning?"

"Ryan. He didn't show up to the bonfire last night after he promised me that he would come! I talked about Marissa for four hours, we ate like 20 smores, and we had to bury Share Bear ourselves!"

"Look, I know this hurts, but Ryan's dealing with a lot. Marissa meant so much to him."

"And she didn't mean anything to me?"

"I didn't say that."

"Whatever. I am pissed, and I am going to confront him whether you're coming or not."

Summer stomped out of the room and Seth ran after her, part of him wanting to stop her from hurting Ryan more, and part of him wanting her to snap Ryan out of this funk he had been in for the past few weeks. Seth knew that Ryan had loved Marissa more than anyone else, but it was time to move on. It was what she would have wanted, and it was what everyone who cared about Ryan needed.

……………………………… …………………………………………………………

The two of them walked out to the pool house and Seth grabbed Summer's hand as she was reaching for the doorknob.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"You know, Cohen, I would think you of all people would want someone to get Ryan out of this. You're his best friend!"

"I know, but do you think this is the best way?"

"Yes. I am going to scream at him until my voice goes away if I have to. He said he wanted to give her a proper memorial, and then he didn't show up. I can't even imagine how Marissa would feel if she was here."

With those words, Summer flung open the door to the pool house and saw Ryan lying in bed, still sleeping. But he wasn't alone. Seeing that strange, black-haired woman in Ryan's bed was the last straw. Summer exploded.

"I can't believe you, Chino! How dare you taint Marissa's memory like this? It's like you're spitting on her and every good time the two of you ever had! She might not be able to fight back, but I will fight for her! Get out of here, you skank!"

Summer grabbed a pillow and started whacking the girl repeatedly. It wasn't until Ryan and the girl next to him sat up that Summer saw that the black haired beauty lying next to Ryan was her best friend in the whole world. Her face instantly lit up and she jumped on the bed, tackling Marissa in a gigantic hug.

"Coop! Is that really you?"

Marissa's tears and huge smile prevented her from saying anything. She just nodded and hugged her best friend tightly. This was the second best moment of her entire life. The first was reuniting with Ryan.

Summer turned to Ryan as she lay down next to Marissa. She motioned Seth to come over and he lay down next to them, hugging Marissa and laughing with her like he thought would never happen again.

"I'm so sorry I yelled, Chino. I just thought you couldn't handle coming to the bonfire, and I just couldn't take that. But I'm so happy now! When did she come back?"

"Last night, as I was getting ready to meet you and Seth."

"Well, if she came before the bonfire, why didn't the two of you just come?"

Ryan chuckled. Marissa blushed and smiled. Seth cleared his throat. Summer looked around, confused.

"What, I don't…"

She looked again. From what she could see, Ryan was shirtless and Marissa was pulling the comforter up to cover her body. Suddenly, it hit her.

"Oh my god! Ew!"

Summer jumped out of the bed and threw whatever random clothes she could find at Ryan and Marissa. She turned around, while the two of them quickly dressed. Seth was busy making coffee at the pool house kitchen.

"Are you decent?"

"Yes, Summer."

She turned around, and saw Ryan with his arm around Marissa, grabbing a cup of coffee from Seth as he climbed back in the bed next to Marissa. He grabbed the covers and threw them over his head.

"I am going back to bed. All this miracle reunion stuff has got me exhausted!"

Marissa laughed, and they all smiled. None of them ever thought they would get to hear that laugh again, and now that they did, none of them ever wanted to let her go again. Summer climbed back in bed next to Seth and the four of them lay there blissfully for the first time in what seemed like forever.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Four weeks."

"And counting."

Sandy and Kirsten stood inside the house staring out at the pool house. It was about nine o'clock and the two of them had just got up and began their new morning ritual. Before, they would have eaten bagels, drank coffee and exchanged witty banter before rushing off to work. Now, their morning ritual consisted of standing by the back window and staring at the pool house, trying to mentally will Ryan to open the blinds and come over for breakfast. It had been four weeks since they had eaten breakfast with their second son. Four weeks since they had really talked. And those four weeks were more than either of them could take. Every day, they brought Ryan his meals and tried to persuade him to talk, just so they could keep his will to live alive. But they both knew the real truth. Ryan was barely there without Marissa.

"Sandy, we need to do something. This is no way for him to live."

"I understand what you're saying, but everyone has different ways of mourning. This is just his."

"Hiding away from the world is not a good way to mourn! He's slowly dying."

"Well, I don't know what you want me to do, Kirsten. We've tried talking to him, we've tried ordering his favorite Thai food. I don't know what else we can do except wait for him to work this out on his own."

Kirsten slammed down her coffee cup and watched as drops splattered across the kitchen counter. She turned to look her husband dead in the eye.

"I'm tired of waiting, Sandy. And I'm tired of having one son and one zombie in our house. I won't do this anymore. I won't let Ryan jeopardize his future for Marissa Cooper's memory."

Kirsten grabbed her robe from one of the kitchen chairs and put it on, walking out the door with her husband right behind her. As much as he hated to do this, Kirsten was right. It was time for Ryan to move on. When she got to the door, there were no second thoughts. She whipped it open and saw a shocking thing.

There she was. The love of Ryan's life. The reason he had been crying all these weeks. Sandy stood behind Kirsten with the same look of shock and apprehension that she was wearing. Seth and Summer stayed silent and Marissa looked toward Ryan to see if he was going to say anything. He smiled and turned back to Sandy and Kirsten.

"You guys don't have to look so shocked. It's not like you haven't seen Marissa Cooper in this bed before."

Kirsten began to cry with happiness, both for Ryan and for Marissa's life. It had been so tragic to see such a young girl die like that, but those memories didn't matter anymore. They meant nothing. They still couldn't say anything, so Seth broke the ice.

"Did you see that, mom? Ryan's funny again."

She laughed and Marissa held out her arms to receive Kirsten's hug. Before the accident, Marissa had always known that she could come to Kirsten and Sandy if she ever needed anything at all. Having them here now meant the world to her. She hugged Sandy too, and when they broke apart, the parents just looked down at the kids, smiling. They had their two sons back at last.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

"What the hell…!"

Julie Cooper slammed the phone down for the fifth time and redialed the Cohens' number. It was 10:30 in the morning. Where could they be? She sighed loudly and took a long, slow drink from her fourth cup of coffee. She was trying to stay stable and strong. No matter what had ever happened, she was never weak. Now, her daughter had died, and people expected things to be the same as always. But things were much different now. She needed a friend. She needed to talk to Kirsten before she went insane.

She heard footsteps coming through the front door and figured that Neil had forgotten something. He had been the best support that he could be, but Marissa wasn't his daughter. He didn't understand what it was like to lose a child. She needed someone who knew what she was going through. She needed…

"Jimmy?"

Julie watched as her ex-husband came toward her, arms wide open. She was so shocked to see him there that she just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She fell into his arms and sobbed, hard. When she felt like she could breathe again, she began to talk.

"How did you get in here?"

"Spare key under the doormat isn't exactly a new trick, Jules."

"Why are you here?"

"Do you not want me here?"

"I didn't say that."

"I'm here because we lost our daughter, and no one in Greece really understands how much it hurts. At least not like I knew you would."

"I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm glad you feel that way. Now, do you want to know what I think we should do to start healing?"

"Of course. You know best about how I'm feeling."

"I think we should talk to Ryan. Make peace with him."

"Jimmy, I can't talk to that boy. He was there when…"

The tears started to come all over again. She remembered hearing the police tell her about what happened and that no body was found at the scene of the accident. She saw Ryan sitting in the police car, and they had locked eyes. She had convinced herself that it was his fault Marissa was dead.

"He's hurting just as much as we are, Julie. We need to work this out. Together."

"Fine. I'll talk to him, but I can't promise that I'll ever be able to forgive him."

"Well, talking to him is a good start. Who knows what kinds of things we'll learn? Maybe you guys will have more in common than you think."

But Julie Cooper didn't need to hear anything from Ryan. She already knew they were the same person on the inside and she didn't need any words to prove it. That look had been enough.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Julie Cooper breathed a sigh of hesitation as she reached for the door handle of the Cohens' pool house. Jimmy put his hand on her shoulder and nodded.

"It's time to let this hurt go, Jules."

She gulped and walked inside, her eyes immediately locked on the people lying in the bed. There were six of them, all with their eyes closed, sleeping or trying to be. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, Ryan and…who the hell was that black-haired bitch lying where her daughter should have been? And why were Sandy and Kirsten lying there? Were they okay with this atrocity?

"How dare you! You've ruined enough lives here! Why don't you just go back to Chino and stop hurting everyone like this!"

Everyone's eyes popped open and Ryan sat up to look at a livid Julie.

"Maybe you should rethink that statement."

"Don't you tell me what to do! My daughter _died_, Ryan, and I know Sandy and Kirsten think you're the one who's suffering the most! What did they do, buy you a hooker? Well, she looks like a slut!"

"Nice way to talk about your own daughter."

Julie looked shocked.

"Excuse me!"

Marissa sat up and stared her mother straight in the eye. Julie felt her knees going from under her.

"I can't…that can't be her…Marissa's…"

"I'm right here, mom. You don't have to hurt anymore."

Julie started to sob all over again, just like she had when Jimmy had come to see her this morning. She ran over to her daughter and fell on the bed, hugging her and running her hand through her hair just like she had done when Marissa was a little girl.

Jimmy beamed and ran over to his daughter, capturing Julie and Marissa into a giant hug. Everyone else smiled. They hadn't seen the Coopers this happy in forever. They were finally a family again. And although no one else knew it, Jimmy Cooper had come home to stay.


	5. The Secrets You Shouldn't Have Kept

Later that night, Marissa was standing in her room, trying to find the perfect pair of earrings. She and Ryan were going out to dinner to celebrate their reunion, and she wanted everything to be picture perfect. This was their true second chance and nothing was going to stop her from keeping him this time. He was the one. There was no disputing that anymore. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. Then, she heard a knock on the open door. She turned around and saw Ryan standing in the doorway, looking absolutely amazing in a pair of black dress pants and a white shirt with a red tie. Marissa turned to him and he looked at the simple red dress she was wearing. It came down to her knees and frilled near the bottom. He whistled and she laughed as he flopped down on her bed.

"Glad to be home?"

"Well, technically this is Summer's house, but…yeah. I love being here and I'm so happy I have this second chance with you, with my friends, and with my parents. I think we can really work this out, Ryan."

She walked over to him and gave him a small peck on the lips. He held her hands as she stood in front of him.

"Me too. So…are you ever going to tell me what happened with you and Volchok?"

"When?"

"Don't play games with me, Marissa. I know he took your body while you were unconscious and after I went to chase after the paramedics. Where did he take you?"

"Um…down to Mexico. We stayed in the middle of nowhere for three weeks. Then…"

"Then, what?"

"Can we not talk about this right now? I'll tell you everything later, but I don't want anything to spoil our night."

Ryan agreed, for now. They would talk about this later, but Marissa was right. They needed a night out to enjoy each other's company. Marissa walked back over to the dresser and grabbed a necklace. She ran it through her fingers a couple times, and Ryan spoke again.

"I love how your hair looks with that dress."

"Thanks. I really like the color."

"It's nice. Why did you decide to do it?"

"I don't know. I just decided it was time for a change."

"So, you were being held against your will in the middle of the Mexican wilderness and you just decided to color your hair one day?"

Ryan stared into Marissa's eyes, looking for an answer. But she was scared and didn't want to tell him the truth. Luckily, Julie walked in the room at that exact moment. She smiled widely, looking at her daughter.

"Marissa, you look so beautiful. Do you mind if I put your necklace on for you?"

Marissa nodded and her mom came over and put the necklace on. She looked at her daughter in the mirror and smiled with true happiness. She pulled some money out of her pocket and handed it to Marissa.

"Dinner's on me. Everyone at the yacht club will be so happy to see you."

"Wow, thanks mom."

Ryan walked over and held Marissa's hand. He smiled genuinely at Julie, and she tried her hardest to smile back. This wasn't easy, but he was the one that Marissa had chosen. He was the one her daughter loved. She didn't like it, but she was dealing with it.

"So, are you coming back here after dinner?"

"Actually, I thought I'd stay with Ryan tonight."

Julie gulped and swallowed her pride. She nodded and smiled.

"Of course. Well, don't let me hold you up. You don't want to be late. I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Ryan."

"It's a pleasure, Mrs. Cooper."

Julie watched Ryan and Marissa drive away in the Cohens' Range Rover, hesitant at first. After all, the last time anyone had seen Marissa was after she rode away with Ryan. She closed the door and prayed that lightning wouldn't strike twice. She walked in the kitchen and saw Jimmy opening a bottle of wine.

"What are you doing? I thought we were going to order pizza and watch ESPN classics. No offense James, but I'm pretty sure wine and pizza are a bad combination."

"You said Neil isn't coming back for a couple of days, right?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"And Summer's probably going to fall asleep on the Cohens' couch watching old horror movies with Seth?"

"Generally, that's what she does on Saturdays, but she might…"

He poured two glasses and handed one to his ex-wife.

"She's not coming back, Jules. Why would she want to leave the one she loves?"

"Maybe she's scared that she'll let herself go with him. Or, she'll feel too vulnerable."

Jimmy put his glass down and stepped closer to Julie.

"You don't always have to be in control, baby. You're sexiest when you let your guard down."

He leaned down and kissed Julie softly, testing her. She responded by putting her glass down and pulling him down closer to her. They stood there for a few minutes, completely ignoring the wine and everything around them. When they broke apart, Julie spoke breathlessly.

"I'm so glad Marissa's alive."

"This may seem selfish, but I don't really want to talk about Marissa. In fact, I don't want to talk at all."

Jimmy picked Julie up and she laughed happily. He walked off with his ex-wife clinging to him and guiding him towards the bedroom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Later that night, Ryan and Marissa walked into the pool house, exhausted. Ryan threw his suit jacket to the other side of the room and began to take off his tie. He was about to flop down on the bed when Marissa spoke.

"I'm gonna change in the bathroom. Can I use your toothbrush?"

"Definitely. But you need something to wear, don't you?"

She smiled slyly and Ryan threw a wife beater at her and shrugged.

"That's all I've got."

"Guess I'll just have to get creative."

They laughed and Ryan went out into the Cohen house to grab some more coffee for the next morning. Marissa walked in the bathroom and started to unzip her dress when someone came and stood behind her.

"I never got my payment."

Marissa turned around and saw Rick standing there. She gasped and her eyes grew wide with fear.

"What are you doing here, Rick?"

"I had you followed, princess. You've got so many people happy to see you alive. They'd be devastated to lose you all over again."

"What do you want?"

"We agreed that you'd pay me 3,000 dollars for solving your little problem. But, you know what's funny? I never got paid."

She started to run, but he easily put his arm out to stop her.

"Oh I wouldn't try that, babe. I've got you locked in. Now, I'm pretty sure you don't have just 3 grand lying around in here, so I guess I'll just have to get creative with my new choice of payment."

He moved closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He leaned in and she slapped him across the face. He grabbed her hand on her second attempt.

"We can make this easy, or we can make this difficult, but either way, I'll get what I want. So, you might as well just enjoy it."

Rick put his hand on Marissa's back and yanked her zipper down. Just as he was forcing her dress down, the pool house door banged open and Ryan came busting through the bathroom door. He was surprised at the sight he was forced to see, but then his eyes turned hard and Marissa saw an all too familiar emotion inside. Anger because someone was hurting her. And Ryan never stood for that.

Ryan tackled him and pounded right into his stomach. Marissa screamed and cried, moving closer to the shower, so that she could get away from them. Rick tried his hardest to fight back, but it was pretty much useless. Ryan had pummeled him into the ground and he continued to throw the hardest punches he had ever thrown in his life. He wouldn't ever let anyone try and take Marissa from him again.

Sandy and Seth rushed outside after hearing Marissa's distraught cries and Ryan's angry yells. Both of them pulled a resistant Ryan off of a now unconscious Rick. Ryan was breathing heavily and his rage only grew at seeing that man lying on the floor, the one who had tried to attack the girl he loved. Suddenly, his view turned to the hysterical sobs in the corner. Marissa's eyeliner had begun to smear and her black hair made her look broken all over again. He had never wanted her to feel like that again. He walked over Rick and kneeled down on the floor, reaching out to grab Marissa. He held her against him like a lost child, and tried his hardest to take away all of her pain. Sandy came back into the room, announcing that the police were on their way. He hesitated, but then spoke.

"We're going to have to go down to the station for questioning. I'll call her parents, you just hold her until they arrive. That's what she needs the most right now."


	6. A Few More Questions, A Few More Lies

I just want to thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming! Also, the song credit for Chapter 3 was "Atlantic" by Keane, so don't sue me!

…………………………………………………………………………………….

The moon was the only light shining through Julie Cooper's bedroom that she shared with Neil Roberts. However, tonight was a lot different. The man lying next to her wasn't Neil, and she had never given herself completely to him like she knew she could give herself to her ex-husband.

"That was pretty amazing, Jules. You've still got it after all."

She slapped him playfully and laughed. She hadn't felt this happy in a long time. She had her daughter back, she and Jimmy had just experienced the best sex both of them had ever had, and both of them were thinking of a future. Together.

"I wish we could feel like this forever, Jimmy."

"I'll be surprised if it lasts the night."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's just that nothing ever seems to work out around here. Someone's always in trouble and that someone is usually…"

"Marissa. But I really think she's changed now, and I think Ryan just might be the person to help her set her life straight."

Jimmy sat up and looked down, stunned.

"Ryan? The street thug who you blamed all of Marissa's problems on? The one who was nothing but a thief and a freeloader?"

"Maybe I was a little harsh on him. People can change. I'm glad we've changed."

"And yet we're the same as we were just a few years ago. This change thing is giving me a headache."

The two laughed just as the phone rang. Julie looked confused as she reached for the phone.

"Hello?...Whoa, slow down Sandy…Oh my god…We're on our way!"

Immediately, she slammed the phone down and began to dress. Jimmy tried to pull her back into bed.

"What's going on? Where's the fire, Jules?"

"Jimmy, get dressed. Marissa's in trouble."

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Marissa Cooper sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair on one side of a table next to Sandy Cohen where a police detective sat on the other side. She looked up and saw the two way mirror, and although she couldn't see through to the other side, she knew her parents, Seth, Summer, Kirsten and Ryan were watching and waiting to know the truth. That shook her up more than the fact that she just almost been raped for the second time in her life by a man she barely even knew.

The detective closed the file he was looking at and turned his focus to Marissa. He could see where the tears were drying on her face, the fact that she was trying to control her hyperventilating, and the fear that lay dormant in her eyes.

"Miss Cooper, I know that this has to be hard for you, so if at any point, you need to take a break or need some water or something just let me know, okay?"

She nodded slightly.

"Tell me when you first encountered Mr. Richard Young."

"I met him in a bar in Mexico."

"And what were you doing there?"

"Running away from my psychotic ex who kidnapped me."

"Your mother told me there was an accident about a month ago. Why don't we start with that night?"

"My boyfriend Ryan, who I wasn't dating at the time of the crash, was driving me to the airport to catch a plane to Greece so I could spend time with my father. My ex and this other girl from my old school pulled up next to us in a van. He was yelling that he just wanted to talk to me, but he was clearly drunk. I begged Ryan to pull over, but he just kept driving. Minutes later, my ex ran us off the road and we rolled numerous times down a hill. The rest of that night is a little vague, but I remember Ryan pulling me out of the car and telling me to hold on. I told him to stay with me and everything went dark. The next time I woke up, it must have been about 2 or 3 in the morning and my ex was shaking me and telling me to wake up. I asked him to take me home, but he said no and slapped me. I fell back into his van and he drove Heather, the other girl, and I over the border and into the Mexican wilderness."

She gave another glance toward the mirror. She only saw her darkened image, but she knew Ryan was there. And he was, listening intently. He hadn't wanted to get the answers this way, but at least the truth would be out. Marissa wouldn't be lying to him anymore.

"So, you had no idea where in Mexico he took you?"

"No, sir."

"Could I have your ex-boyfriend's name please?"

"Kevin Volchok."

**flashback**

_"I'm done playing this game with you, Kevin. Take me home before things get a hell of a lot worse for you."_

_He stood up and laughed in her face._

_"The little Newport princess is threatening me. How sweet. This isn't a fairytale. You're going to lose because I'm a lot stronger and a lot smarter than you."_

_"Oh, I'm not so sure about that."_

**end flashback**

Her heart jumped and the guilt returned. The horrors of that night shone in her eyes. It had been the right thing to do. That was all she kept telling herself.

"Are you all right, Miss Cooper?"

"I'm fine. Those weeks were just really hard for me. I don't like to think about them."

"I understand that this is difficult for you, but we really need these answers. How long were you in Mexico?"

"About 4 weeks."

"And during that time, did Mr. Volchok abuse you in any way?"

"No offense, sir, but the answer to that should be pretty obvious. I mean, he kidnapped me to cover up what could have been a murder. Once he knew I was alive and he had me alone in the wilderness, he forced himself on me almost every night. He was making me…I know this sounds stupid, but he knew that if I ever got back here, I'd run straight to Ryan and he wanted to make our reunion tacky and impure."

"What about Heather? Did he ever abuse her?"

"Yes, sir. But…"

She could feel the tears rising and her throat closing up. She shook them away quickly. A man as horrible as Kevin Volchok didn't deserve her tears.

"Just not as much as he hurt me. There was part of him that really loved me. Unfortunately, it was in a very psychotic and obsessive way."

"Well let's talk about that day when you met Rick. Why were you at a bar?"

"Kevin had given Heather the keys to his van to go get some food and beer. He trusted Heather, but hardly ever let me out of his sight. He had just finished drinking about three beers when he passed out and eventually dozed off. I knew it was my chance to escape, so I ran. Unfortunately, I had no car and there was no place around for miles. When I finally reached the bar, I was so exhausted that I had to walk in. Rick came up to me and bought me a drink, but I told him I didn't want it because I didn't even know him. He asked me to play truth or dare and I eventually asked him to help me escape from Kevin."

_It's not a complete lie_, Marissa thought to herself. But if this man knew what she had really done, she would be put away for life. And Ryan…she couldn't let him know the real truth. She was scared of what his reaction would be. Her parents would be so ashamed of what she had done to save herself and Summer would never look at her the same way. It would be like wearing a scarlet "M" for murderer.

"I understand that you used to have long brown hair and when you suddenly reappeared in Newport, your hair was short and black. When did you change it?"

"A couple days before I left Kevin. Heather had gone out a few days before that and I asked her to get me some scissors and hair dye while she was out. She and I had never liked each other before then, but she understood the pain I was going through and deep down, she wanted to help me get out of there."

"So what happened when you and Rick got back to the house where you were staying?"

Marissa struggled to keep her heartbeat steady. _Just a few more questions, just a few more lies._

"Kevin wasn't breathing. I was scared, and Rick said he'd take care of it. I asked him what that meant, but he wouldn't tell me. He just gave me a car and told me to take off and never look back. I told him I would pay him, but that I didn't have anything with me except for that money I had spent on the hair dye. He told me it was all right, and I didn't know what else to do."

Instantly, tears flowed from her eyes all over again. This was what she had to do to make her story more believable than Rick's, or even Heather's, if they ever caught her. She felt horrible lying to Ryan, but she convinced herself that this was best. She had to protect him to keep his love.

"Don't you think you should have been a little more knowledgeable about Rick before you trusted him so implicitly? Why were you in such a hurry to get back here?"

Sandy seemed offended at this sudden outburst on the detective's part.

"She won't be answering that. Is that everything you need to ask?"

Marissa put her hand out to silence both of the men. She swallowed her remaining tears and looked the detective straight in the eye.

"You want to know why I was so '_careless_', detective? Because I love Ryan more than you, or anyone else could possibly know. And I wasn't going to wait another minute to feel safe in his arms."

The detective stood up and shook hands with Sandy. He closed his briefcase and spoke.

"I'll be in touch, Mr. Cohen. I am sorry for what has happened to you, Miss Cooper. You seem like a really good girl."

_I am now detective, _Marissa thought silently, _but it would kill you to know the things that I did back when I wasn't so good._


	7. Rebellion In The Name Of Love

Ryan and Sandy were sitting in the Cohen kitchen around midnight, thinking of everything Marissa had just said. Sandy handed Ryan a bagel and tried his hardest to crack a smile. Ryan shook his head and pushed the food away.

"Come on, kid. I know things seem bad now, but if Marissa's telling the truth, all this will be behind us soon."

"What do you mean, if Marissa's telling the truth? Why would she lie, Sandy?"

"She was scared. Do you really think she wanted you to know what honestly happened in Mexico? Do you think she wanted to go to jail for anything she might have done?"

"She hasn't done anything. I don't know why you're talking about her like this. You're supposed to be her lawyer!"

"I am, Ryan, and I will defend everything she says if it gets to a courtroom setting. I just have a feeling about this. I've seen the smoothest criminals lie, and I've known they were doing just that. Do you honestly think I can't see right through Marissa Cooper?"

"You're wrong about her! She almost just got raped and the police were grilling her for information! I'd say she was more than a little stressed about all of this!"

"You're not going to like what I have to say next, but I think you and Marissa need to take a break for a while, maybe just until this whole scandal cools down. You need to start thinking about college and a future and whether or not having Marissa Cooper in your life will help you or be a detriment."

"I can't believe this. I cried over her for weeks! Do you know how hard almost losing her was? I have never cried about anything before, Sandy! She means more to me than anything or anyone and I won't give her up. Not now, not ever."

Ryan walked outside, slamming the door and feeling the cool night air hit his face. He needed some time to relax and think about everything. He wasn't sure if he felt better about hearing the truth. Anger took hold of him whenever he thought about Volchok slapping Marissa or throwing her down or against a wall. But it was all over now, and Ryan had won. Still, there was something bothering him. He opened the door to the pool house and saw a woman sitting by the far wall, staring out the window. She was wearing a simple white sundress with a bow near the waist. The moonlight made her figure glow and Ryan walked over to her and kissed her gently. He sat down next to her and brushed the hair away from her face. That was when he saw that she had been crying, recently.

"You okay, Marissa?"

"My mom wants me to stop seeing you."

**flashback**

Julie and Marissa Cooper walked into the house and sat down at the kitchen table. Summer and Jimmy started to sit down as well, but Julie spoke firmly.

"Could you two please give my daughter and I some privacy?"

They both nodded and left, walking off to get some sleep. Julie turned back to her daughter and suddenly Marissa wished to be anywhere but here. Her mother sighed slowly and began.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be around Ryan as much as you are."

"God, mom, how many times are we going to have this argument?"

"This isn't an argument, Marissa. It ends here. I don't want you seeing him anymore."

"Well, it's really not up to you, now is it? I'm eighteen! My decisions are my responsibility!"

"I know Ryan's the reason for the way everything turned out in Mexico."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Marissa, you're my daughter. I'm not the police. You don't have to lie to me. I know that you are scared as hell of jail, but if this Rick guy tells the real story, that's exactly what you'll be facing."

"The real story! I'm sorry, were you there when I was suffering in Mexico? Were you there when Kevin Volchok was abusing me and holding me against my will!"

"No, but I know that's why he's dead! Now, I don't know if you hired this Rick, or if you killed him yourself, but that boy is dead because you needed to defend yourself and you needed to get back to Ryan!"

Marissa was stunned and speechless. She couldn't believe her mother could tell this much about her. That's when she realized that, deep down, her mother loved her more than anyone else in the world and knew why she needed to get rid of Volchok. But it was too late now because she had to make a choice. Ryan or her mother. Something was telling Marissa she couldn't have both.

**end flashback**

Ryan sat in front of Marissa and held her hand tightly.

"So, what do you want?"

Marissa adjusted her body so that she was inches away from Ryan. She put her arms around him and he held her close. She had made her choice, and now, she whispered the words that would make her choice final.

"I want to marry you, Ryan Atwood."

She pulled away slowly so that she could see into his eyes, see what he was thinking. But Ryan's eyes never gave anything away and this case was no different. He smiled and held Marissa's hand again.

"Do you really think Sandy and your mom would be cool with that?"

"No…" she smirked, "That's why we should leave tonight."

"You're willing to marry me away from your family and friends?"

"I'm willing to marry you any day, any time, anywhere."

Ryan didn't think much about Marissa's impromptu proposal. He didn't have to. This was the girl he loved and would sacrifice anything for.

"I love you so much. I will marry you, so I can see your smile, hear your laugh, and feel your touch for as long as I live."

Marissa laughed happily and hugged Ryan tightly. They pulled apart and kissed, the amount of passion rising in the room by the minute. When they finally broke apart, Ryan smiled and felt the same happiness he had when Marissa had shown up in his mirror and she wasn't a hallucination anymore. The fire between them was real and it was about to become permanent.


	8. The Return of Jess and Trey

Jess Sathers had never been "Suzy Homemaker". She was never going to be a soccer mom, and she was never going to be completely sober. At least not while Trey Atwood was around. She laughed at all the bottles cluttering the floor. She kicked a box of condoms out of her way in order to get to the kitchen. She and Trey only used them so she wouldn't get "knocked up and have to sell crack to support my unwanted children", as she put it. She was moving toward to get more beer to clutter the floor, so she could laugh. She loved Trey, but everything was starting to get old. And, hell, if empty beer bottles and safe sex were enough to make her crack a smile every now and then, she was willing to pay that small price.

It was about 6 in the morning when Jess heard a knock at the door. She had just sat back down and was pissed that she had to get up again. She set her beer down on the coffee table and grumbled, moving over to the door. When she opened it, her face instantly lit up.

"Ryan Atwood. Here to fulfill my fantasy?"

"Not today, Jess."

"Guess there's still hope for tomorrow, then."

"Is Trey around?"

"He gets around, if that's what you're asking."

"I'm asking if he's home right now."

"Depends on your interpretation of home, baby. If you told me that he was sleeping with some random girl named "Feather" or some other stripper bull shit like that, then I'd say yes, Ryan, Trey's home sweet home."

"Things not going so well between you and Trey?"

"They've been better. So, what do you want?"

"We need a place to stay for a day or two and I just wanted to know if it was cool for us to stay here."

"We? Us? I only see one person in my doorway."

Ryan turned around and motioned behind him. Jess waited until she saw another body appear and come and stand next to Ryan.

"If it isn't the famous Marissa Cooper. I heard you died."

"Looks like you got the story wrong. So, can we stay?"

Jess sighed dramatically. She looked as if she was really trying to decide if she was going to let them stay. Ryan and Marissa worried for a few minutes. Where would they stay if not here? They didn't have enough money for a hotel. Then, Jess laughed.

"I'd love nothing more than to make up some lame ass excuse as to why you guys can't stay here, but it's like 6:30 and I'm so hung over that all I want to do is just go back to bed. Trey won't be back until tonight, so you guys can just chill wherever."

Marissa and Ryan walked inside and were instantly hit with the smell of beer and cigarettes. Jess stumbled off down a hallway toward a bedroom and disappeared from sight. Ryan cleared the couch off and pulled it out, so that he and Marissa could get a few hours of sleep. She lay down and snuggled up closer, so that Ryan put his arms around her and held her hands. Before they dozed off, Marissa heard Ryan whisper something in her ear that made her smile and instantly soothed her nerves about everything.

"Welcome to the dark side."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sandy and Kirsten woke up around 8 o'clock and walked downstairs. Both of them were worried about Ryan and Marissa, but for different reasons.

Jimmy and Julie woke up around 8:30 and met each other in the Roberts' kitchen. Both of them were worried about Ryan and Marissa, but for different reasons.

Sandy and Julie wanted the two of them to end their relationship for good. They both felt that the two kids needed to straighten their lives out before they embarked on a relationship with as much passion and commitment as they seemed to want for each other. For them, today was going to be a bad day.

Jimmy and Kirsten wanted the two of them to beat the odds and find love. They knew that there was so much chemistry between their children and they didn't want them to give that up. They were figuring that if two people with so much love between them couldn't work their problems out, what hope was there for anyone? For them, today was going to be one of the proudest days of their lives.

On both Ryan and Marissa's beds lay notes. Both read identical messages: "We needed to go away and make decisions for ourselves. We are getting married. If we fail, we can honestly say that we tried to make this work on our own. We will return eventually, but please respect our space and don't try and find us. You've always said that you trusted our ability to make decisions, now is your time to prove it."

Sandy and Julie both knew where their kids were headed. But it was Jimmy and Kirsten who went to talk them out of making a decision they would regret. Both Jimmy and Kirsten knew that Ryan and Marissa loved each other, but agreed with their significant others. Their kids weren't ready for this.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Later, around 5 o'clock, Jess and Marissa were in the kitchen cooking dinner. They didn't have much, but Jess and Trey didn't have guests very often, so she wanted to make this special. Just because she and Marissa Cooper had never really been friends didn't mean they couldn't get along for a day or two. Jess put the food in the oven and turned to Marissa, who was sitting on the table, staring out the window.

"So, what are you and little Atwood really doing here?"

Marissa smiled and bit her lip nervously, but excitedly.

"We're getting married."

"I would've thought that a girl like you would want a huge fancy wedding with a million dollar dress and thousands of guests with a live band at the reception. Not a Vegas quickie."

"I used to want that, but Ryan's made me different. I don't need material things anymore. After the crash, I realized that the people in my life are way more important than a designer gown or imported china. It's just…the way I feel about him…"

"Ugh, please, Cooper, you're making me sick."

"Sorry. Don't you feel that way about Trey?"

"Let's get real. This is me you're talking to. I'm never going to be devoted to one guy. I stay with the one who's fresh and exciting and when the novelty wears off, I dump his sorry ass."

"How are you ever going to find someone to love by doing that?"

"I don't need to get attached. Attachment leads to heartbreak and I don't need my heart broken by some guy. You're better off staying single, if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you. Ryan and I are totally happy."

"Yeah, for now. But it's just like I said. You guys are completely smitten because you just came back from the dead, but as soon as you become the nagging wife who's always around, it's going to be a whole different ball game. But what do I know? I'm just a drop-out coke whore. But at least I'll never get my heart broken."

Marissa was silent. Was Jess right? Were she and Ryan doomed to fail? Both girls heard the door open, and before Jess went to greet Trey, she turned back to Marissa.

"How many times are you going to cry over Ryan before you realize that no man is worth crying over them like you do?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

That night, the four of them ate dinner in silence. Marissa wasn't talking to anyone because Jess's voice suddenly filled her head and made her wonder: Was she really ready to get married? Trey and Marissa avoided eye contact and didn't say a word to each other. Marissa was afraid that she would break down if she looked at his face again. After all, he was the picture in her mind as she was preparing to get rid of Volchok.

When they were finished eating dinner, Trey and Jess gathered all the dishes and took them into the kitchen to clean up. Ryan turned to Marissa.

"I know that you and Trey probably aren't ever going to get along, and I understand why. But he's my brother and I'm going to ask him to be my best man. I want this to have some resemblance to a normal wedding, so if you want to ask Jess…"

"I don't know, Ryan. I mean, we're not exactly friends either."

"That's fine, if that's really what you want."

Marissa sighed and realized she wanted a maid of honor. This was her wedding day! Ryan waited patiently for Marissa to speak. He could tell she was thinking deeply about the idea of Jess being the maid of honor.

"All right. I'll ask her. But Ryan…"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me we don't have to be married by Elvis or in a drive thru."

Ryan kissed her quickly and smiled. The two of them had never felt more scared, or more excited, in their entire lives. Ryan walked into the kitchen to talk to Trey and Jess came and sat by Marissa.

"You sure this is what you want, Cooper?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. But Jess…?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I know that you and I aren't really even friends, but…will you be my maid of honor?"

"I suppose. Beats getting drunk again. Adds a little spice to the routine."

"Thanks. It really means a lot."

"Please stop. No offense, but you are the last person I need to have a moment with."

Trey and Ryan walked into the room, and Marissa turned away, seemingly fascinated with the cracking drywall on the other side of the room. Jess picked up the apartment keys and the four of them walked out of the house, one couple waiting to get married, and the other, waiting for each other to give up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Ryan and Trey stood at the front of the small Vegas chapel, watching as Jess made her way down the aisle in a black lace top and a white mini skirt. It was the closest thing she had to "formal attire". They all stood as a man started to play the wedding march. It was playing for about a minute and Marissa still hadn't come out. Where was she?

She was standing at the back of the chapel so that she could see the people down the aisle, but they couldn't see her. She had told Ryan that she didn't need a fancy, expensive wedding, but she needed the one thing that every girl needed before she was truly ready to walk down the aisle: her father. Marissa turned around to run out of the chapel, just to get some air so she could stop feeling like she was suffocating, when her father and Kirsten Cohen appeared right in front of her. Now, she was even more scared.


	9. The End Of Innocence

A/N: Hope you're enjoying the story! Song credit: "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional

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"Dad, I'm so sorry. I know you wanted to be a part of this day, and I'm sorry it had to be like this, but I love Ryan and I'm not coming back to Newport unless he's my husband."

But Marissa's pleas didn't matter because Jimmy Cooper had changed his mind. No one could tell his daughter how to feel and no one was going to be able to make this decision for her.

"Relax, kiddo. I'm not here to take you away or tell you that you can't marry Ryan. You are an adult now and you can make these decisions for yourself. I just thought you might want your old man to walk you down the aisle."

Marissa threw her arms around her father and hugged him tightly. She began to cry a little, but she didn't want to mess up her makeup, so she pulled away before she would want to stay in that hug forever.

"Thank you so much, dad. What are we going to tell mom when we go back to Newport and she finds out I'm married?"

"I don't know what we're going to tell mom, but I do know that if both of us don't get down that aisle pretty soon, Ryan's going to pass out."

She laughed and put her arm through her father's. She smiled at Kirsten and began walking down the aisle. She saw Ryan breathe a sigh of relief at seeing her, but saw him tense up all over again when he saw her father. She mouthed the words, "It's okay" as they were approaching the front of the chapel. When they got there, Jimmy hugged his daughter and his soon-to-be son-in-law.

"Take care of her, Ryan. She's my baby."

"I will, Mr. Cooper. Thank you for doing this."

"Kirsten and I will be in the back of the chapel watching. I love you, kiddo."

"Love you too, dad."

Jimmy walked back down the aisle and stood with Kirsten. He leaned down and whispered.

"Don't they remind you of someone?"

Kirsten looked puzzled.

"Who?"

"Us, when we were that age."

Kirsten smiled, recalling some of the memories she had shared with Jimmy. He had been her first love and now, here they were, watching their kids feel the same way about each other as they had when they were young.

"We would have never run away to Vegas to get married."

"Yeah, Caleb Nichol loved me, but I think he would have killed me if I had stolen his daughter's wedding from him."

They laughed and watched, but knew that memories were all they had. Years had passed since they had stirred those feelings inside of each other, and they were different people now. But Kirsten had to admit, it was sort of fun seeing herself in Marissa Cooper's shoes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Breathe in for luck,  
breathe in so deep,  
this air is blessed,  
you share with me._

Marissa looked up from her gaze at her and Ryan's hands together and saw he was smiling at her, almost ignoring the man who was speaking and trying to marry them. His hands started to shake as he was asked to recite his vows, if he had any. Neither of them had written anything ahead of time. They had just decided to speak in the moment.

_This night is wild,  
so calm and dull,  
these hearts they race,  
from self control._

He took a deep breath and began.

"I love you more than words can describe. The first part of my life is a horrible blur of doing the wrong things and making mistakes and hurting my family, and my friends, and…you. I want tonight to be the beginning of a new part of my life. I want this to be the first right thing in a lifetime of right things. I always want to make you happy, and I never want to make you cry. You've done too much crying these past 18 years. I want you to feel as good as I feel right now forever."

_Your legs are smooth,  
as they graze mine,  
we're doing fine,  
we're doing nothing at all._

Marissa knew it was her turn now. She smiled and gripped Ryan's hands a little tighter.

"Earlier today, I was talking to Jess, and she said some things that made sense. Who says we're going to be in love forever? Then, I realized, I do. You saved me, Ryan, from everything. I want you to be there to save me forever. I always want to feel those butterflies whenever you come around, or surprise me. Your past is exactly that. You don't have to hold on to anything from before. I know you're afraid that you might disappoint me, but that is so far from the truth that it's ridiculous. I want you to love me as much as I love you right now forever."

_My hopes are so high,  
that your kiss might kill me.  
So won't you kill me,  
so I die happy.  
My heart is yours to fill or burst,  
to break or bury,  
or wear as jewelry,  
which ever you prefer._

"Rings please?"

Trey stepped forward and handed Ryan two plastic rings that he had found lying around their apartment. Both Ryan and Marissa knew that these would have to do for the time being. They exchanged them and Marissa studied her ring finger. She was all Ryan's now, something she had wanted to feel confident about for a long time.

_The words are hushed lets not get busted;  
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.  
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.  
"Hey did you get some?"  
Man, that is so dumb.  
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...  
so we can get some._

_My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.  
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.  
My heart is yours to fill or burst,  
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry,  
which ever you prefer._

The man continued talking, but neither Ryan nor Marissa was listening. It felt like they were the only two people in the room. They felt like they were back in the pool house or at the Cohens' house or on the beach. Standing here, gazing into each other's eyes; this felt like home.

_Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,  
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,  
the dim of the soft lights,  
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers  
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late  
and this walk that we shared together.  
The streets were wet  
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,  
and I let you in._

As they stood together, memories flashed through their minds at the speed of light. Ryan saw the two of them at the end of the driveway, in the alley in Tijuana, wrapped in each other's arms in the pool house, at The SnO.C., and in the tiki hut. Marissa saw the two of them on the Ferris wheel, in Oliver's penthouse at the stroke of midnight, reuniting on the pier, in the car after busting Jess's ex-boyfriend, and most importantly, in the model home.

_And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist  
and you kissed me like you meant it.  
And I knew that you meant it,  
that you meant it,  
that you meant it,_

The man's words came back into focus as both of them heard the words…

"You may kiss the bride."

Ryan stepped forward and felt Marissa put her hands on his waist, pulling them closer together. Before they kissed, Marissa saw that look in Ryan's eyes, letting her know that he would never let her go. This was the beginning, and there would never be an end.

_And I knew,  
that you meant it,  
that you meant it._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Jimmy Cooper walked upstairs in the Vegas hotel the four of them were staying in with three cups of coffee in hand. He had already dropped one cup off for Kirsten and now he was heading to give the newlyweds their cups. When he got to the door, he saw a "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the door knob. But he went ahead and knocked anyway. He was in a good mood and for the first time in a while, he was actually happy.

"Who is it?"

"It's your father. I've come bearing coffee."

He heard a few grunts from inside and laughed to himself. Ryan and Marissa, they had actually survived. Throughout all of the challenges they had faced, no one ever knew if they were really going to make it. But they had decided to enter into a huge chapter in both of their lives by getting married, and Jimmy was actually proud of them. Marissa appeared at the door, wearing her "bridal gown", the simple white dress she had worn yesterday. It looked disheveled and her hair was untamed. It was amazing how beautiful his daughter could look, even when she wasn't trying.

"Hey kiddo. Two hot, black, steaming coffees."

"Mmmm. Thanks, dad. What time are we leaving?"

"About an hour. You okay with that?"

But Marissa was already staring into the distance, dreaming of how perfect her life seemed. Her eyes glazed over and a small smile was forming on her lips.

"Earth to Marissa."

"Oh, uh-huh. See you then, dad."

She closed the door and Jimmy could instantly hear her laughing. He was so happy for his daughter, and for himself. It was time for the Coopers to be happy again. But that's when it hit him. Marissa was no longer a Cooper. She was an Atwood.


	10. Is This A Mistake?

Thanks for all the reviews! I don't have a lot more written, but I'll be working on it!

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"Coop! Married? I can't believe it!"

"Whoa, buddy. Are you being serious? You and the girl next door actually tied the knot?"

As soon as Ryan and Marissa got back into town, the first thing they decided to do was to tell their best friends. Summer and Seth were speechless, but when they finally realized what their friends had told them, they were instantly filled with worry.

"Look, I know you love him, but what if…"

"…things don't work out and you end up…"

"…getting a divorce and hating each other's guts…"

"…after all that you've been through, I just don't think…"

"…it was very smart idea. You're too young…"

"…and it's going to be so hard on you guys."

Both Ryan and Marissa couldn't believe what they were hearing. The two people who they expected to support them the most were the most skeptical. They were being completely judgmental about something that they knew nothing about. Both of them thought this was the worst they would feel about their marriage, but they hadn't talked to their parents.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"How could you do this, Kirsten! Now he'll never go to college and become the success I know he could have been!"

Sandy and Kirsten were standing in their kitchen, arguing."

"Sandy, no one said that Ryan isn't going to go to college! After all, Marissa was accepted to Berkeley too. Now, they have each other to go with!"

"And how do you think they're going to feel being the married couple on campus!"

"Do you realize how ridiculous you sound! You are the advocate for true love and happiness with the one person who completes you in the universe! Ryan has found that person! Can't you be happy for our son and our daughter-in-law?"

Sandy was about to throw back an argument when Ryan stepped in the house. He looked timid and scared, emotions that the Cohens weren't used to seeing on his face.

"I can see you guys are talking. I'll go back outside."

"No, Ryan, I think you have some talking to do. In fact, I think you, Marissa, and Jimmy Cooper have some talking to do. I've already heard enough from Kirsten. We're all having dinner tonight, but tell Seth and Summer they aren't invited. We need to talk about this marriage."

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ryan was standing in the pool house changing his shirt when he heard the door open and saw his beautiful wife walk in. He walked over and kissed her briskly, looking around for something.

"It's good to see you too. What are you looking for?"

"My jacket. You look nice."

Marissa looked down at the light blue skirt she was wearing with her favorite white blouse. She smiled happily at Ryan's compliment, but still had some worries on her mind.

"Ryan, are you okay?"

"I'm just…nervous. Sandy's never really been mad at me the way he is about this. And, your mom's never been my biggest fan anyway. We were just starting to get to a good place, you know? I'm just wondering…"

"If this marriage was a mistake."

Ryan looked over and Marissa looked crushed. Her previous smiling face was turned away from him because she didn't want him to see her cry. He walked over and put his arms around her. He whispered in her ear and tried his hardest to comfort her.

"I know this marriage isn't a mistake. I'm just wondering if, maybe, we should have waited, so that everyone would have gotten to experience our wedding day. But you know what I realized? The two most important people were at our wedding and that was all we needed, and all we'll ever need."

Marissa sniffled and a smile shone on her face once more. She kissed Ryan and laid her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her and rubbed her back as she talked.

"I was thinking…maybe we should get a place of our own."

"How? We don't have jobs, we'll be going to college in the fall, and I'm not so sure any of our parents will help us out."

"Then maybe we could live here."

Ryan was confused. He pulled away from Marissa and looked at her strangely.

"Here? At the Cohens'?"

"No, silly…in the pool house. I mean, we don't need much space, the Cohens will always be here in case of an emergency, and we can live together in the place where we've shared so many amazing memories. It'll just be temporary, but don't you think it sounds like fun?"

He thought a minute. Living married life in the pool house? He had never seen anything wrong with living there before. Why did things have to change?

"I like it. Let's bring it up at dinner."

"Okay…that is, if we're not stoned to death first."

Ryan laughed and grabbed Marissa's hand, the two of them walking toward the Cohen house where one of the longest nights of both of their lives was about to take place.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ryan and Marissa sat at opposite ends of the table, eating their meals in silence. But they were the only ones.

"How could you let them be so irresponsible, Jimmy? They didn't want to get a dog, they got married!"

"Don't talk to me about irresponsible, Julie! You are the last person to be judging anyone on anything!"

"I was looking out for the best interests of my daughter! She's too young to be trapped in a relationship like this!"

"Julie's right, Jimbo. What are they going to do now? They still going to live at home, raise their children here!"

"Oh for crying out loud, Sandy!"

"You have something to say, Kirsten?"

"Yes, I do! If these kids have found a love as strong as theirs, why shouldn't they marry? I know you've seen them together! They are so considerate of each other and you can just see them light up when the other one even comes into the room! How can you ignore chemistry like that!"

"Oh, Kiki, snap out of your childish fantasies! They are just kids! They can't, and they won't survive. They are too young and have been through too much! I would like to think they could make it, but I'm a realist, plain and simple."

"Jules, you are so out of your mind, it is ridiculous…"

Marissa nodded at Ryan like she had been doing for the past few minutes. The look in her eyes said It's time.

"HEY!"

Ryan yelled and stood up. Julie, Jimmy, Kirsten, and Sandy all stopped talking and looked toward Ryan and Marissa, who had walked over and stood proudly next to her husband. Ryan cleared his throat and Marissa grabbed his hand, squeezing it. It felt like she was sending him a mind message. Be strong.

"Regardless of how you feel about Marissa and I, the fact is we are married and we plan to stay that way for as long as we can think of. For the past hour, the four of you have done nothing, but talk about us like we weren't even here. We've decided that we want to start our new lives together by living in the pool house. Now, you can support us or not, but that is where we will be staying for the foreseeable future. We haven't made our minds up about college yet, but before you get angry about that, remember that from here on out, all the things we do are our decisions and we will take whatever consequences come from those decisions. We are willing to pay rent, as well as buy our own food, so when any of you feel rational enough to talk to us about how we feel, we'll be in the pool house."

With those words, Ryan and Marissa walked out of the pool house, hand in hand, bursting with a new amount of self-confidence and feeling like they could do anything.


	11. The Secret's In The Telling

A/N: Can't take credit for the title of this chapter…Based on "The Secret's In The Telling" by Dashboard Confessional

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A month later, Marissa was standing in the pool house, cooking dinner and waiting for Ryan to come home. She smiled at how wonderful everything looked, but then remembered her relationship with her parents. Her dad came over often and took Marissa grocery shopping whenever she and Ryan needed something, but she hadn't spoken to her mom since that night. It was a mutual decision, but Marissa found herself wishing that she sometimes had a mother to talk to. However, Kirsten was generally there for that, and when Marissa had needed to leave the house earlier that day for something she couldn't tell Ryan about, Kirsten had gone with her. Sandy had become agreeable with his "neighbors" as well, and even cooked them dinner once a week.

It was about 7 o'clock when Ryan walked in from his job at the Crab Shack to greet Marissa with a smile and a kiss. He walked over and put his arms around her as she stirred the pot.

"Macaroni and cheese, my favorite meal."

"You say that every night."

"Every time you cook, the dinner replaces the one from the night before."

"Well then, I should probably call the pizza guy and tell him that he should step up his pizzas or we aren't going to buy them anymore. They used to be my husband's favorite meal, now they've been reduced to number 2."

Ryan laughed and threw his apron on the chair next to the bed. He looked outside and noticed that there were two white candles lit on the table next to the pool.

"Looks like Sandy and Kirsten are having a romantic dinner tonight."

Marissa nodded absentmindedly and continued cooking. When she was finished she made a bowl for each of them and started walking out the door.

"Where are you going?"

Marissa gave Ryan a sneaky smile and didn't say a word as she continued walking outside. She set the bowls on the table and pulled out a chair for Ryan.

"The romantic dinner is for us."

He smiled and sat down. Marissa moved over to her chair and just watched as Ryan began to eat. He stopped and looked up at her, grabbing his napkin to wipe his face.

"Why aren't you eating? Is something wrong?"

"No, I just have a couple things to tell you before I can eat. My stomach is jittery enough as it is."

"All right, well, spill."

"Um…Sandy got a call today from the police station. Rick…um…he hung himself in his cell last night. They had been pressuring him to confess or say something to contradict my story, but he'd never talk to them. I guess he just got sick of living his life the way he did."

Ryan didn't know what to say. He was relieved that Marissa would definitely be free now, but a man had killed himself. He shouldn't be happy over something like that. He spoke.

"Well, maybe he's in a better place now."

"Uh-huh…"

Marissa was avoiding Ryan's gaze. He had been thinking that he shouldn't have been feeling relief, but she almost seemed glad. Had she not wanted him to contradict her? Would Rick have been saying something that was…true?

"You said you had two things to tell me."

Marissa instantly perked up and raised her head to look at Ryan again. She smiled brightly and he was wondering why she was so happy. This seemed like it was one of the happiest moments of her life, but why?

"Ryan, I found something out today. Something wonderful."

"What is it?"

"We're going to have a baby."

The words took a few minutes to sink in, but when they did, Ryan jumped out of his chair and hugged the love of his life. He had married her and now they were going to have a child? This was the most amazing feeling he had ever experienced. He kneeled down and looked up at Marissa's shining face.

"How long have you known?"

"Just found out today, but I've been pregnant for about a month. Isn't that exciting?"

There were no words to describe how Ryan was feeling. He just continued to take in Marissa's beauty as they sat next to the pool, unaware that they were being watched by Sandy and Kirsten.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"They're too young."

Sandy shook his head and walked away from the window. He had always been a fan of Ryan and Marissa's romance, ever since he saw how much she had changed his life and made him into a better person. But they had taken things too far. Both of them were only 18 and they were about to start a family. It was too much for even them to withstand.

"Sandy, how can you judge them so quickly? Maybe they will make it."

"Maybe they will, Kirsten, but that's not the point. The point is, they are missing out on being wild and free and spontaneous. Now that she's pregnant, do you ever think they're going to move out of here? Do you ever think either of them is going to college?"

"Who knows what they'll do? We have to support them. They are our kids and if this is what they want, it's what we want too, right?"

Kirsten hugged her husband and looked into his eyes. He had grown to agreeing with her, but he didn't like this situation with Ryan and Marissa. He didn't like it at all.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

A week later, Marissa and Ryan were standing outside the Roberts' house with a box of mashed potatoes. They had been invited to dinner after Marissa had called her mom and said that the two of them had a big announcement to make. The doorbell rang and Summer came to the door and hugged her best friend.

"Oh, Coop, I am so glad to see you! How's it going, Chino?"

"Pretty good. How about…"

"That's fantastic. Why don't you go hang out with Seth and Mr. Cooper in the living room? They're playing some video games about ninjas or pirates or something. I don't really know, boys will be boys. I'll take the potatoes."

Summer seemed extremely excited, considering that she was one of the many who didn't exactly support Ryan and Marissa's quickie Vegas wedding. Ryan leaned down as he took off Marissa's coat and whispered in her ear.

"You didn't tell her, did you?"

Marissa shook her head and walked into the kitchen. Ryan walked into the living room and played video games for a few minutes before the food was ready. Once all of them were in the dining room, they sat down, Summer, Ryan and Marissa on the one side, Seth, Jimmy and Julie on the other. They ate their meals silently but quickly. Suddenly, Marissa was very nervous. She didn't want to tell any of these people about the baby. All they would do is fake happiness or yell at her and Ryan for being so irresponsible. She began to speak.

"Dinner was excellent, but Ryan and I have to be leaving. Sandy said he might have a job lined up for Ryan and we told him that we'd be home right after dinner."

But Summer wasn't falling for that. She knew that her best friend had something important to say and she wasn't going to let her leave until she said it.

"Wait, Coop, didn't you say you had an announcement?"

Marissa sat down and took a long, slow drink of her water. Everyone was staring at her, including Ryan. He was wondering why she wanted to run away from the table. Marissa was scared. She was finally ready to admit that, maybe, everyone was right. Maybe she was too young for this.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this. I have to go."

She got up and started to run toward the exit. Ryan grabbed her arm as she was getting up and stood next to her. He looked at her with a gaze that said Everything will be all right, but she knew it wasn't going to be.

"Marissa and I are going to have a baby."

The whole table gasped. The room was silent for a few moments, but then, Jimmy Cooper stood up, beaming and walked across the room to hug his baby girl. He hugged his son-in-law as well. Pretty soon, Summer and Seth got up to do the same thing. Marissa breathed a sigh of relief and continued to smile and talk with her friends and her father. After a few minutes, Julie stood up and walked over to her daughter. All the talking stopped as Julie whispered the word Marissa had been longing to hear for so long.

"Congratulations."

Her mother grinned and hugged her daughter, her eyes brimming with tears of joy. She walked over to Ryan and spoke.

"Here's to a fresh start for you and me."

She hugged Ryan and, although he was surprised and taken aback, he hugged her too. She was right. This was a new beginning for the Cooper and Atwood families.


	12. All I Ever Learned From Love

That night, Marissa was sitting by the pool, dangling her feet in the water. It was about 1 in the morning, and she was just staring down at the water as she made ripples. She heard the pool house door open behind her, but didn't bother to turn around. Ryan came and sat down next to her, grabbing her hand and dangling his feet in the water as well.

"Is everything okay?"

She looked at him and bit her lip. Tears were welling up in her eyes and her face was glistening with the moisture of previous tears.

"I've been out here for about an hour, just trying to convince myself that this is really what I want."

"Are you talking about the baby?"

"Yeah. I think they're right, Ryan. We're too young. I'm only 18 and I'm already married and pregnant! I can't even legally drink yet and I'm about to start a family! _I'm_ still a child! I'm not ready for this."

"Well, what do you propose we do about it?"

"I can't have it. I just can't."

"Marissa, you can't have an abortion. If you didn't want this, we should have been more careful. We should have talked about this."

"When! When do you ever really want to talk about anything, Ryan!"

"Hey, relax. The first thing we need to do is lower our voices. Yelling isn't going to accomplish anything and it's only going to wake everyone up. Let's just talk about this."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. You can't tell me what to do. If I don't want this baby, I am _not_ going to have it."

With those harsh words, Marissa stood up and briskly walked into the pool house, slamming the door behind her. Ryan was filled with anger. He hadn't planned for this child either, but he was excited that it was coming into the world. Why couldn't Marissa feel the same? He sighed and lay down on a cushioned pool chair. Little did he know, that was where he would be sleeping for the next six months.

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Marissa Cooper stood in front of the long pool house mirror, staring at her extremely pregnant frame. She was only a shadow of the beautiful debutante she had been before. Now, every part of her was blown up and she could barely stand to look at herself anymore. She and Ryan had kept up appearances, making everything seem fine for the past six months. But it wasn't fine and it hadn't been in a very long time.

Ryan walked into the pool house and took in Marissa's beauty while she still didn't notice he was standing there. Yes, she had gotten bigger, but he always thought she was gorgeous, no matter what pregnancy or any other illness might ever do to her. If only he could gather up the strength to just tell her that. She heard him breathing and turned around to face him, her eyes cold. He cleared his throat.

"Ready to go? The appointment's in an hour, but I figured we'd get there early."

Marissa nodded and turned away from him again. She wasn't doing anything, so Ryan wondered what was going on. That's when he heard her sobbing. He walked over to her and put his arms around her, letting him cry on her shoulder like she always did, but hadn't been able to do for so long. They finally felt connected again. Marissa choked two words out.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"You've been holding your breath ever since I told you that I don't want this child and I'm sorry for making you do that. I know you have so many reservations about this, and that you're scared as hell too. I've just been ignoring that. I want this baby, Ryan. I love this baby, and I love you, and I'm so _so_ sorry for making you doubt it for so long."

Ryan sighed deeply and held Marissa even tighter. She stopped crying and just soaked in his presence, his smell, and everything about him. After a few minutes, he pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"Come on. We don't want to be late."

She cracked a smile and grabbed Ryan's hand, walking out of the pool house and moving toward the car. Once they got in, Ryan backed out of the driveway and held her hand again, letting her know with that one motion, that he would never let her go.

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As the car moved toward the doctor's office where Ryan and Marissa's baby had their monthly checkup, Ryan pulled his visor down and pulled out a CD that would calm both his and Marissa's nerves. The Model Home Mix. The sounds of the song that had changed their lives forever, _their song_, began to flow through the car. Marissa smiled and started to sing softly to herself.

_I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah  
Hallelujah_

Ryan took a sharp turn and made Marissa jump a little. The two of them laughed quietly. This was nice. No words were being spoken, except for those that went along with the song, yet it was the most honest conversation the two of them had had in months.

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you  
To a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah  
Hallelujah_

Ryan kept his eyes on the road, but thought of that night when Marissa had said she didn't want to have the baby. He looked over and saw her with her head laid back against the head rest, singing the next verse. He smiled and squeezed her hand tighter, causing her to smile, but not to open her eyes. The song was making her feel whole again, and it was reestablishing their connection. It was only when Ryan began to sing as well that Marissa even slightly opened her eyes to look at the one man she loved more than anyone she had ever known.

_Maybe I have been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
Hallelujah_

He had tried to swerve, but it was to no avail. By the time that black Jaguar slammed into their small car, the song had already moved on to its fourth verse, but with one major part missing. Marissa's voice. The CD player skipped and eventually gave out, but Ryan was only focusing on one thing. She wasn't breathing. She wasn't moving. But she _would_ survive. She _had_ to. Ryan couldn't deal with this again, especially if it were true this time. He managed to crawl out of the car and walked as quickly as he could to the driver of the Jaguar, who seemed basically unharmed. The man rushed over to him and held Ryan up as best as he could.

"Please, call an ambulance. My wife…my baby…"

"I've already called them, sir. Let me help you get the woman out of the car."

With the man's help, Ryan was able to pull Marissa out of the wreckage. She was stirring and her eyes fluttered open every few seconds. _She's alive._ Ryan breathed a huge sigh of relief. He knew he had to do something to keep her conscious. So, he sang.

_There was a time  
You let me know  
What's real and going on below  
But now you never show it to me, do you?  
And remember when I moved in you?  
The holy dark was moving to  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah   
Hallelujah_

Marissa whispered, faintly and weakly.

"Ryan…?"

"Marissa, you're going to be okay. We're going to the hospital and they'll make you feel good as new, I promise."

"Ryan, if anything happens…"

"It won't. It won't."

"Listen to me. If anything happens…save the baby. Please."

"But, Marissa, I can't lose you."

"Promise me."

_Maybe there's a god above  
And all I ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
And it's not a cry you can hear at night,  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

Ryan tried his hardest to fight back tears. What was he supposed to say? The love of his life was telling him to choose someone he didn't even know, had never even met, over her, the one he knew inside and out, his princess. The girl next door. For her…anything.

"I promise."

Marissa smiled as Ryan bent down to kiss her softly. The paramedics came and put Marissa on a stretcher and began to roll her toward the ambulance when she whispered one more thing.

"I love you, Ryan Atwood."

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Hours later, Ryan sat in the hospital waiting room, his head in his hands. He had felt numerous hands on his back, rubbing it and trying to comfort him, but he hadn't looked up. Even when Summer came in, and wrapped her arms around him like a little lost child, he hadn't budged, but he had relaxed into her a little bit. She was just as scared as he was, but she didn't know the decision he had made. He hadn't told anybody, except Kirsten, what he had done.


	13. I Just Can't Let You Go

**flashback**

When Ryan and Marissa first arrived to the hospital, the doctors immediately took Marissa away and told Ryan to begin filling out some medical forms. He wrote all of her information down with a shaky hand, the one that had been steadied by Marissa's unbelievable strength in the ambulance. Without her, he knew he was going to break down. The shaking of his hands was only the beginning.

As he was filling out the second page, he heard urgent footsteps rushing toward him. He looked up to see Kirsten and Julie, faces lined with worry. They had been out shopping together, trying to restore some semblance of a friendship. Not long after, Jimmy and Sandy came in as well. They had been out golfing and their faces were red from being in the sun and from sprinting from the car to here.

Ryan told them everything that had happened. Jimmy wrapped his arms around Julie as she sobbed uncontrollably. Her baby was going through this all over again, and this time, she wasn't alone. Her grandchild was suffering too. Sandy and Kirsten each put an arm around their son and tried their hardest to console him. Then, a doctor came out with information about Marissa Atwood. Ryan looked over to Jimmy and Julie, and Jimmy nodded for Ryan to go and speak with the doctor. Marissa was his wife and his responsibility. The decisions were now up to him. Kirsten walked with Ryan, but motioned back to Sandy to call Seth and Summer. They needed to be here too for Marissa's sake.

As the doctor spoke quietly and with eloquence, Ryan became more and more impatient. He didn't care about all the medical terms. He didn't care about what was going on or why he was using this tool or that method. Ryan simply wanted to know one thing.

"Is the baby going to be okay?"

The doctor looked stunned that Ryan had interrupted him.

"Please, that baby means everything to us. I just have to know that it's fine."

Dr. Miles sighed. Sighs never meant good news was coming. Ryan braced himself for the worst. After all, he was used to it. It seemed like his life had been nothing but one huge tragedy.

"Mr. Atwood, we can try to save your baby, but it will be impossible to save your wife if we do so. Since your wife will give birth two months before her due date, and under these conditions, the baby may not be equipped to handle our world quite yet."

"So, you're saying that even if I save my baby, I could still lose it. And then I'll be left with nothing."

"Yes, I'm sorry. The forced labor will be too much for Mrs. Atwood's body to withstand in its weakened state, and unfortunately, we need to make a decision within the next half hour or we will lose both of the patients."

"You mean, there's a way to save my wife?"

"The baby will have to be aborted immediately, so that as much energy as possible can be supplied to your wife's body. At this point, and if we act quickly, her body should still have enough strength to restore her normal body functions, such as breathing, and then we can put in stitches and perform surgery."

"But one of them still has to die."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Atwood, this is the hardest part of my job and most likely, the hardest decision of your life, especially at such a young age. I doubt that your wife will be able to have children after all this trauma."

Kirsten grabbed her son's hand and immediately felt him squeezing it, hard. She knew this was his way of grieving. Ryan rarely cried, but he was always angry was something like this happened. She knew he was fighting back the tears. He closed his eyes and made his decision.

"Save her. Do whatever you can."

The doctor seemed confused, like he needed more clarification.

"Save who? Your wife or your daughter?"

Kirsten's hand was throbbing as Ryan clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut tight. This couldn't be happening. _My daughter_. The words echoed in his mind. He had a baby girl, and he had made a promise to his wife. A promise he just couldn't keep.

"My…my wife. Save Marissa."

The doctor nodded and extended his apologies again. He walked off to Marissa's room to begin an uphill battle toward saving her life. Kirsten began to cry and turned to embrace Ryan. He still had his eyes shut tight, and she tried to take away the pain he was feeling. But there was no way she was ever going to be able to do that. Ryan felt as if he had betrayed Marissa, even though he had chosen to save her life.

**end flashback**

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The next day, Julie and Jimmy Cooper walked in Marissa's hospital room to see their daughter. Ryan and the Cohens still hadn't arrived yet. When they walked in the room, Marissa was sleeping. Jimmy took the small bouquet of roses they had brought and put them in a vase next to her bed. Julie took a chair on the left side of the bed, sitting down and kissing her daughter's forehead. Jimmy grabbed his daughter's hand and held it gently. Suddenly, they saw something lying underneath Marissa's hand face down on her stomach. It was a picture. Julie reached for it and saw that it was one of the ultrasound pictures of her baby. She immediately felt tears welling up in her eyes. Then, she heard a voice.

"They tried to take that from me. But I told them they'd have to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers first."

Julie looked up and saw her daughter's eyes open, but swollen and puffy. It looked like she had only stopped crying when she had fallen asleep. She was too young to feel like this. Why did this have to happen to her daughter? It wasn't fair.

"Mom, how's Ryan? Is he okay?"

"He's fine, sweetie. They gave him a few stitches, but that was only after he made sure you were okay. The Cohens took him home last night so he could get some rest. He was so worried about you."

"Is he coming to see me later?"

"Of course, baby. The Cohens just want him to sleep as much as he possibly can. The accident took a toll on both of you."

"Oh god the accident. I barely remember it. Ryan and I were singing and then this car pulled out of nowhere and all of a sudden, the music stopped."

Julie looked toward Jimmy. She wasn't sure if she had the strength to tell Marissa everything that had happened without making her more upset than she already was.

"That car hit you, kiddo, and then Ryan said you talked to him after they got you out of the car. Do you remember anything you said?"

"I…I told him…told him to save the baby. The baby! How is it? Why did they want to take the picture away from me, Dad?"

"Ryan told us that the doctors said they couldn't save your child. If they would have tried, both of you might have died."

Marissa bit her lip and tried her hardest not to cry. But she couldn't help it. Her body heaved and she tried to catch her breath, but it was impossible. Jimmy kneeled down and held his daughter in his arms. No matter how much she had been through, she was still his little girl and he would always be there to catch her if she fell. And this time she had fallen harder than ever before, and even Jimmy wasn't sure if anyone would ever be able to help her back up.

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Later that day, Ryan was standing outside Marissa's hospital room with a small vase and a single flower. This was the same thing he had brought for her after the incident in Tijuana. At that time, he had been uncertain about where he and Marissa were going with their relationship, but it seemed as if they had taken a step forward that day. Now, as he took a deep breath and reached for the handle, he wondered the same thing, but knew they were definitely going to take a step back today.

Marissa's eyes were closed as Ryan walked into the room. He smiled at her beauty and put the vase on her bedside table. He gently reached for her hand and saw a small, folded up piece of paper inside it. He started to open her hand and take the picture from her when she popped up, pulling her hand away and clutching the picture tightly. She saw that it was Ryan and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry. I thought you were a nurse trying to take it from me."

"What is it?"

She carefully unfolded the picture and handed it to Ryan, face down. He flipped it over and saw the ultrasound. He cleared his throat and clenched his jaw. He would never meet the baby in the photo because it was dead. He had killed it.

"I know it's going to take a while for this hurt to go away, Ryan, but it will. I promise. I know that you did all you could to save the baby, and I love you so much for that."

"Listen, Marissa, there's something I need to tell you."

She sat up in bed and moved the bed so it would make her feel more comfortable. She smelled the flower and instantly cheered up.

"It smells wonderful. I remember when you brought me one just like it. It was after TJ, right? God, that was so horrible. But you were there to save me, like always."

_You were there to save me, like always_. She was so happy that she had found someone who would be more devoted to her than anyone in the world, and that was always the reason they ended up back together. But Marissa was about to find out what Ryan had done to save her, and that would be the thing that would tear them apart.

"Marissa, you need to know what happened to the baby."

"I already know what happened, and I know you did everything you could to save it like you promised me."

"That's not true."

"What are you talking about?"

"The doctor…he told me I needed to make a choice, and that both of you weren't going to make it. He said that even if you did give birth to the baby, it might not have made it anyway and you would have already been dead. I would have had no one."

Marissa's face turned to one of anger and confusion. She fought back tears as her voice trembled.

"So you didn't keep your promise?"

"I was going to lose you. I couldn't handle that. That baby and I, we had never met. We didn't have a connection yet. I feel so strong when you're around, Marissa, and I couldn't lose our connection. It took too long to build and I wasn't going to lose that. I know you're angry, but…"

"You're damn right I'm angry, Ryan! I don't remember a lot about the accident, but I remember you saying two words: _I promise_. You lied to me."

"Marissa, I saved you! I really thought I could handle choosing the baby because that was what you wanted, but in the end…"

"You were just too damn selfish to care about anyone's feelings but your own."

By this time, Marissa was shaking with rage. Tears were flowing down her cheeks, but she didn't seem to notice, didn't seem to care. Ryan had broken the trust between them, and it didn't seem like they would ever get it back. Her eyes turned cold and she glared at him.

"Get out. Now."

"I really think…"

"I don't care what you think! Get out before I have to call someone in here to get you out!"

Marissa reached up toward the call button, preparing to call in a nurse if necessary. He walked out, staring at her, begging for some sign of forgiveness, but she kept the same expression. She just couldn't look at Ryan anymore. She couldn't stand to be around him. He had said that he had done this for her, but all she could think of was his own selfishness. She couldn't handle being around someone who broke their promises. After all, that was what people had been doing to her for her whole life.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

That night, Marissa reached for the phone at her bedside and called the only person who could comfort her right now.

"Hello, Roberts residence. This is Summer."

"Hey Sum."

"Marissa? Are you crying? Seth and I were going to come and see you today, but we figured Ryan and your parents needed to see you first. Coop, I'm so sorry about the baby. Is that why you're so upset?"

"I don't think I can trust Ryan anymore."

"What? Did something happen?"

"Did you know that he told the doctor to let me live instead of the baby?"

"He just said that you had a better chance of surviving. I don't understand. What's wrong with him wanting you to live? I would think you would consider that the ultimate show of love."

"When we got in the accident…I made him promise me that he would do whatever he could to save the baby. That meant _anything_, Summer. He looked me dead in the eye and promised. Then, he did this."

"Coop, he was so scared of losing you. I've never seen Chino have his guard completely down, but while you were in that room fighting for your life, he was a complete wreck. He didn't look at anyone. He wouldn't talk to Seth or Sandy. The only time he was with Kirsten was when he was talking to the doctor. That's when he lost it. I watched him squeeze her hand and clench his jaw harder than he ever had. If we would have lost you, we would have lost him. I'm sure of it."

For a few minutes, it was silent on both ends of the phone. Finally, Marissa couldn't take it anymore. She spoke angrily.

"I can't believe you're defending him."

"Marissa, he couldn't keep that promise. You meant too much to him and to all of us."

"He lied to me, Summer, plain and simple! I don't need to waste my time listening to this. I'm sorry I called. Tell my dad he doesn't need to come and get me later. I'll find my own way."

Marissa slammed down the phone and threw back the covers on her bed. They had taken the IV out of her arm and she was just in a recovery room until she was dismissed. She threw on the clothes that Jimmy had brought her and tossed the hospital gown on the bed. She grabbed all of her personal things, but left one thing behind. The picture of her unborn child.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

An hour later, Ryan walked into the hospital with a bouquet of roses and Share Bear. He had found the spot where Seth and Summer had buried the stuffed animal and he had dug it up. He needed something to make this up to Marissa. Although, he wasn't sure if it was too late. A nurse came up to him.

"Sir, visiting hours are over."

"I just need to give these to my wife. I'll be in and out in ten minutes."

She gave him a skeptical look, but allowed him to go. He knocked on Marissa's door. No response. He knocked again and the same thing happened. Finally, he walked in and saw nothing but a note lying on her bed. He set the flowers and the toy down and rushed over to pick up the note. The color drained from his face as he read the words on the page.

_Dear Ryan,_

_I don't understand how you could do this to me. I would have done anything for you and all I asked of you was to keep your promise. But you couldn't do that, even though you claim you acted the way you did out of love. I just don't understand how saving me is more loving than honoring my wishes. I think you acted too selfishly, and I feel like I don't even know you anymore. We've lost the trust. Maybe I'm acting too rashly and I'll see what a bitch you think I am by the morning, but I seriously doubt it. That baby meant the world to me, and even when I didn't want to have it, you did. So, why would you let it go so easily? Before I go, I just want to let you know what really happened._

_I killed Volchok. The day of the murder, I cut and dyed my hair and watched as Heather left the shack. When I heard him calling me, I knew it was time. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, putting it behind my back. He tried to attack me, but I was ready for him. I stabbed him in the heart five times, and do you know who was motivating me to do these ghastly things? You. I loved you so much that I was willing to put myself and my entire life in such danger just so I could look at you one more time, even if it would have been in a jail cell. I did everything for you, Ryan, and I feel like there's nothing you can do to make up the pain you've caused me. Maybe we'll see each other again someday, but I honestly hope we don't. I can't trust you anymore, and therefore I can't love you. I'm sorry._

_Marissa._

And with those heart wrenching words, she was gone and Ryan looked helpless, sitting on the edge of her bed, alone.

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	14. There's Always A Moment

Each of the entries in this chapter take place after the day Marissa leaves Ryan. So the first one is one year after she leaves him, the second one is two years after she leaves him, etc…so it's not like it's 15 years later…only 5…and parts of this chapter (near the end) should be rated M for language and sexual content

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Luke Ward walked to his door the next day and prepared to open it. No one was home and he was just playing video games. He figured that his dad must have forgotten his key because it was about the time he usually came home. But when the door opened, he saw a face he wasn't expecting to see. She was only a shadow of his first love. She had gained weight from a pregnancy and her face was red. Her eyes were still gleaming with tears, like she had been crying for the past 24 hours and hadn't stopped.

"Marissa! What are you doing here?"

She sniffed and almost started to cry again.

"I don't have anywhere else to go."

He put out his arms and embraced her as she started to sob loudly all over again. They walked in the living room and stayed that way for an hour. Marissa didn't feel safe in Luke's arms, but she knew she had finally stopped running. That was the only positive aspect of this situation.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

**1 Year Later**

Marissa still cried every day. She hadn't wanted to leave Ryan, but she felt too betrayed. 6 months ago, she had wanted to go home and make things right with him, but her fear kept her in Portland. She didn't want to return to Newport Beach to find that Ryan had found someone new to take away his pain. That would have made her feel even worse because her suffering now was worse than ever before.

Ryan hadn't found anyone. He went to Berkeley and walked around like a zombie. He had always been known for his brooding, and he didn't lose that reputation. He had dated a girl, but she had told him that he was just too depressed for her to be around. And she was right. Without Marissa, he just didn't feel whole.

**2 Years Later**

"5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!"

Ryan and Marissa both stood in a room full of people shouting and laughing. Both of them received a kiss right at the stroke of midnight. Both kisses were bittersweet because they had formed serious relationships with the people they were kissing, but the only people they were thinking of in the midst of those kisses were each other.

**3 Years Later**

"Congratulations, man. I bet you're really excited."

Ryan and Seth stood in the Cohen house, talking about Seth's recent acceptance into Brown. He had spent a couple of years at RISD, and they were fun, but now, he was finally going to the school he had wanted to attend his whole life.

"I am excited, Ryan. I just wish Summer could be here."

"Yeah, but just think, she'll be back from Africa in a few months."

"Who would have ever thought that we would be putting Summer Roberts and African AIDS relief in the same sentence? It's crazy how everything changes."

Everything was changing for the three of them, but Marissa stood on the balcony outside of her room at the Ward house. Luke was out on a date and his dad was on a business trip. She took another swig of the vodka in her flask that had basically become permanently attached to her hand. For her, everything was the same.

**4 Years Later**

"I'll get it!"

"No, you will not! How do you know who's behind that door? It could be a stranger."

But the man at Teresa's door was not a stranger. She knew him better than most people. But the five year old boy at her side looked confused.

"Mommy, who's that?"

"This is…"

Ryan crouched down to look the little boy in the face.

"I'm your dad."

Teresa sighed. She didn't want her son to know the truth. She had lied to Ryan on the night of his senior prom. This child was his. Anyone could tell just by looking at his piercing blue eyes. However, the boy saw no similarities and made no connections.

"My daddy's coming to pick me up in a few minutes. We're going to the circus. Why do you think you're my daddy?"

"Because I…"

"Ryan!"

Both boys turned to look at Teresa who had hissed Ryan's name angrily. This wasn't fair for her child and she didn't want anyone to hurt him. Not like they had hurt her. A car horn honked outside and the boy ran to greet Eddie. He looked at the door and saw Ryan and Teresa standing there looking shell-shocked. He sighed and helped his son with his seatbelt. Ryan had come back again, just when things were starting to look good for his family. That's how it always was. But Eddie would get the last laugh this time. He wasn't coming back with his son, and there was nothing Teresa could do to stop him.

**5 Years Later**

Ryan stood in a hotel room not too far from Portland, Oregon, taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He had just had a long meeting and he was getting ready to call home to his fiancée when he heard a knock at the door. Calling Teresa would just have to wait. He opened the door and saw the person he had been prepping himself to see the entire day. Yet, he still wasn't ready for her.

She was wearing black pumps with a black and white striped dress. She held a large purse in her hand with her perfectly manicured nails. She wore silver chandelier earrings and a lipstick that just screamed, "Fuck me. You know you want to."

"Marissa."

She walked past Ryan and straight to the mini bar. He closed the door and finished taking off his shirt. She tried her hardest not to marvel at his abs, completely noticeable through his wife beater.

"You still wear those things?"

"Not to anyone's knowledge."

She poured herself a drink and sat down on one of the room's plush chairs. She crossed her legs and watched as Ryan stared at everything she had to offer. Last year, she had decided to stop weeping over him and start living. Jess had been right all along. So, she and a man named Scott had dated for a few months before she dumped him like last week's garbage. But she wasn't here to talk about her love life.

"Did you bring the papers?"

She reached down in her bag and pulled out a large envelope containing divorce papers. She and Ryan had formed new theories about love with entirely different people, but something had struck both of them when Ryan had become engaged to Teresa. They were still married. He pulled the papers out and turned to the back page where their signatures were supposed to be. But both of them were still missing.

"I thought you were going to sign them."

She shrugged and downed her first drink, reaching to refill her glass.

"Teenage alcoholism rears its ugly head."

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"I don't."

"Good."

Marissa stood up and began searching for a lighter. She was dying for a cigarette. Ryan grabbed a pen and was about to sign when he felt her hand slither across his, making every bone in his body tingle. How did she still do this to him after 5 years? He had convinced himself that he hated her. So, why did he feel like the only thing he wanted to do was throw her down and have crazy sex until neither of them could breathe?

He dropped the pen and instantly took her lips in his. He pushed her backwards until they hit a wall and Marissa groaned satisfactorily. She brought her leg up to intertwine with his and the two of them fell back on the bed together, still tangled in a web of fury and passion. His wife beater and belt buckle were thrown to the floor and he fiddled around for the zipper on the back of her dress. Their lips separated and both of them breathed heavily, staring into each other's eyes.

"I can't do this with you. I have a pregnant fiancée waiting at home."

"Teresa's pregnant?"

"Just a month."

"You don't have to fucking rationalize with me, Ryan. I'm not here to judge you. I wouldn't give a shit if she was dying and only had one more day to live. This may sound pretty selfish of me, but I want you to fuck me until I can't breathe anymore."

"Marissa, we're over. You sign those papers and we're done."

"I don't want to leave my mark on a piece of paper and end this. It may not mean anything now, but we had so much love when we first started. We started sharing a cigarette at the end of a driveway. Do you really want to end with me looking completely drop dead gorgeous and you not doing a damn thing about it but saying, 'Have a safe car ride home.' as if I even have one of those?"

"You're not conceited at all, are you?"

"I'm hot and you know it. Now, it's up to you, Ryan Atwood. How is this really going to end?"

Ryan honestly wanted to tell her to get the hell out of his life after she signed the papers. He wanted to push her off the bed and repeat that Teresa was _pregnant_. He shouldn't be doing this.

But instead, he reached for her dress zipper and pulled it down in one quick motion. A few minutes later, every inch of clothing on their bodies disappeared onto the floor. Marissa clung to Ryan's neck as he pleased her in all the right ways and places. She moaned exasperatedly, knowing a man hadn't made her feel this good since the last time she had been with Ryan all those years ago. And Ryan eventually drifted off, leaving a trail of kisses down Marissa's entire body, knowing that he felt the same about her.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, there was no warm body lying next to Ryan Atwood. There was no fairytale ending. Just a quick fuck to end the marriage that never should have been and she was gone. She left her signature and a note. "Have a nice life. Hope that baby has your eyes. Marissa"

And that was all he would have to remember her by for the next five years.

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	15. Right Back Where We Started From

A/N: This chapter starts 5 years after the signing of the divorce papers, and I swear there will be no more time jumps…I don't think…

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**5 Years Later**

"I can't believe this is finally happening, Coop!"

Marissa had come home. Something huge had happened. Something that Summer couldn't handle on her own.

"Can you believe me and Cohen are _finally_ getting married? It's like a fairytale or something!"

Marissa took a long drag on her cigarette and didn't respond. She stopped believing in fairytales and their inevitable weddings a long time ago. She herself had been involved in one and that had turned out to be more of a nightmare. Although, she still held on to the memories of her last night with Ryan. _That_ had been amazing.

"Hello, Earth to Coop! Anyone in there?"

She put out her cigarette and turned to her best friend. She smiled sweetly, just like she had when she was a teenager. She always used that smile to make people think that she was just peachy. And it never failed.

"Yeah, sorry, Sum. I'm just thinking about how different everything seems. It's been so long since I've been in Newport."

"Please, you'll fit right in. You talked to your parents, right? They were so excited that you were coming back."

"Uh-huh. I stayed there last night, but it's so weird that they're married again. I mean, I experienced the Jimmy and Julie Cooper nightmare divorce when I was a kid. I can't imagine having to go through that again."

"They're really happy now, Coop, honestly. Everyone seems really content."

"Still, I'd really feel more comfortable if I could stay with you for a couple of days until I figure out a plan."

"Sure, that sounds cool. I'll find you something to wear to the engagement party tonight."

Marissa smiled and walked inside Summer's apartment that she shared with Seth during the summers. He was still at Brown for a year or two, but after the wedding, Summer was going to move to Rhode Island to live with him. It was April now and Seth was home for a week for spring break. He had proposed to Summer when he had come home on Sunday and they were having an engagement party today, which was Friday. He had to leave on Saturday, and then he would come home in the middle of June. They hoped to be married by August, but it was going to take a lot of work. That was why Marissa had been called in to help her best friend. And Marissa couldn't have been happier to get out of Portland.

**flashback**

Marissa let out a sigh of relief as she slipped into the Ward house, unnoticed. Luke had become more like a protective big brother lately, and she could only imagine how he would feel if he found out she had slept with the man she was divorcing last night. She went into her bedroom and fell into bed, exhausted. She had finally let Ryan go. So, why did she feel like he was still inside her?

**Two weeks later**

Marissa stared down at the pregnancy test in her hand.

"Oh, shit."

But this time, she wasn't letting herself get attached to this baby. She had to get rid of it before she began to feel attached. But she did have to tell Summer. Only her best friend would support her fully, and wouldn't question her decision after the past five years. They had been too hard on Marissa and she couldn't do this again.

**end flashback**

Marissa had left all of those memories behind in Portland. It was time to make a fresh start back in the place where it all began.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that night, Marissa and Summer drove to the engagement party where Seth met up with his fiancée and they walked inside the hall to be greeted by confetti and cheers. People flocked to them and began hugging them and articulating their congratulations. Marissa stood on the wall and smiled at people she hadn't seen in so long. None of them came up to talk to her until Sandy and Kirsten Cohen walked over and hugged her.

"Hey, kid. Welcome back."

"Thanks, Sandy. It's good to be back."

He went off to greet Jimmy and Julie, who had just walked in the door. Kirsten smiled.

"It's been a really long time. Summer said you were living in Portland."

"Yeah, I needed to get away, but I needed someone to be there for me."

"So, how is Luke doing?"

"He's good. Better than I think he would be doing if he and his dad had stayed here."

"Were the two of you…?"

"Oh no, we didn't date or anything. He was just a really good friend. I don't think I'll ever be able to see him as anything more ever again."

"Well, it's good that you had him. Do you want me to grab you something to drink?"

"Um…no thanks. I'll get it myself. It was good to talk to you, Kirsten."

"You too, sweetie."

Marissa paced over to the drink table where she saw a cool, refreshing glass of champagne waiting for her. She never really drank the stuff, but she needed something to dull how fake everyone was being. She had known that Newport was still going to be like this; she had just been away for so long that she had forgotten how annoyed it made her.

When she got to the drink table, she wrapped her fingers around the flute, but her fingers weren't the only ones staking their claim. A man had grabbed the same glass that she had, and immediately drew his hand away. Marissa did the same and muttered a quick, "Sorry" before looking up into the man's face. And what she saw made her face turn white as a ghost.

"Kevin! How are you…? Why are you here!"

"I told you I'd never leave. Did you think I was kidding?"

She had worked so hard these past ten years to forget everything she had done, especially what she had done for Ryan. All of that was over now, but yet, it still haunted her. She collapsed, and for a few minutes, she saw nothing but blackness. It was like she wanted to open her eyes, but she just couldn't. She felt her body being moved, and then, her head was laid on someone warm. Someone who she just knew wouldn't let her go. Her eyes fluttered open and she almost fainted again from the shock of seeing him.

"Ryan!"

"Always have to make a scene, don't you?"

She thought he was being extremely insensitive. If only he knew whose face she had seen instead of his! But then, she looked and realized he was smiling. He was trying to joke with her.

"Yeah, I figured it's been ten years since these people have witnessed a Marissa Cooper catastrophe, so I thought it would only be appropriate."

The two of them laughed and didn't say much for the next few minutes. They were sitting outside the place where the party was taking place and where the Valentines' Day singles gala had taken place so many years ago. Marissa tried to break the awkward silence with a question.

"Why are you back here?"

"In Newport or saving you?"

"Newport."

"It's a really long story."

"I've got time."

Ryan sighed deeply and was about to speak when a little girl, about 4 years old, Marissa guessed, came running up to him, screaming. She knew right away who it was before the child even said anything. She had those piercing blue eyes that Marissa just couldn't ignore.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

_Uh-oh_, Marissa thought. She knew Teresa had to be around here somewhere. How could she forget about Ryan's baby and think it was just the two of them again. They weren't teenagers anymore.

"What, baby? What's wrong?"

The little girl turned and stared at Marissa. She began to feel uncomfortable, so she stuck out her hand and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Marissa. What's your name?"

The girl didn't shake Marissa's hand, but she smiled and talked excitedly.

"Isabella."

"Wow, that's a pretty name."

"Thank you. My mommy picked it out."

Marissa tried to keep a smile on her face at the mention of Teresa, the woman she had finally lost Ryan to. Luckily, Ryan took over.

"Do you need something, Izzy?"

"Grandma Kirsten said I could stay the night at her house tonight, but I had to ask you first. Can I, daddy? Please?"

"I don't think you can tonight, but we can ask her about tomorrow. Let's go talk to her."

"Okay! Bye Marissa!"

Marissa smiled at the young girl's energy.

"Bye Isabella."

She walked back inside and saw Summer talking to some of her friends from college who had flown out for the party. She excused herself and immediately walked over to Marissa.

"So, I figured that it would be better for you to find out about Ryan on your own. But that was before you fainted in his arms."

"How long has he been living here?"

"Since Izzy was one. He never said why. He just showed up one day with a baby."

Marissa felt hurt. Everyone was calling this little girl by her nickname like it was common. They all loved her and looked after her like a family. Marissa felt, for the first time since coming back, like she didn't belong here anymore.

"Coop, I'm not going to forbid you to talk to him, but please, don't get sucked into that whirlwind again. I don't want your heart to break all over again."

Summer walked away and her best friend was left confused. How could she get sucked up into Ryan's world again? Didn't he have a wife and a mother for his child? And most importantly, where was Teresa?

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	16. His Rainy Day Woman

About an hour later, Jimmy came up to his daughter and put a set of keys in her hand.

"I figured you'd want to stay with Summer for a while, so these are the keys to my car. Your mother and I can share hers. I just want you to be able to go where you want and explore the city as much as you want. A lot of things have changed around here."

"You mean, like you and mom?"

"Marissa, you know you'll always be my baby, but I really love your mother and I would appreciate it if you could support us or at least smile when we're around. I know it kills her to always upset you like this."

"Then, maybe she shouldn't have been such a conniving bitch all my life and I'd have the strength to put up with her."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

Marissa shrugged and finished the single flute of champagne she had had all night. She was trying to keep her alcoholism under control and it was working. At least, for tonight.

"Thanks for the keys."

She walked out of the party, which had died down, and found her dad's car immediately. As she got in and buckled her seatbelt, she thought she saw a raindrop fall on her windshield. She shook her head, and figured she was just seeing spots. She still felt a little dizzy, but she started the car and drove away toward Summer's apartment. She had a key, so she wouldn't have to worry about anyone being home. She could finally spend some much needed time alone.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The spot that had appeared on Marissa Cooper's windshield had, in fact, been a raindrop. And about a million more were rushing toward her car as she drove, barely able to see. There were hardly any cars on the road, probably because this was the worst rainstorm that Newport Beach, or possibly even California, had ever witnessed. Yet, here she was, in a car fighting against the elements and moving about 4 miles an hour. Finally, the car gave out and died, and Marissa was left sitting alone in the middle of a residential street. All the power had gone out in these houses, but she figured someone had to be awake who would let her crash there for the night. After about two seconds in this rain, any part of Marissa that would have looked even slightly threatening, would vanish, leaving her looking pathetic, and possibly homeless.

She got out of the car and walked up to a house, ringing the doorbell and knocking furiously. As the door opened and revealed the owner, Marissa felt things go from bad to worse. They had to shout at each other so they could be heard over the deafening sounds of the rain.

"Marissa! What are you doing here?"

"Well, you know, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by!"

"Very funny. Do you want to come in?"

"No, I figured I'd just stand out here and enjoy the beautiful sunshine that we're so famous for!"

Ryan smirked and grabbed Marissa's arm, pulling her inside the house. He shut the door quickly, but still held her arm as they stood there in the darkened hallway. Their faces were inches apart and all Marissa could see were his lips and his eyes. She smiled and whispered.

"I think California's finally fallen into the ocean."

He laughed and let go of her arm.

"Let me get you a towel."

"That would be great. Thanks."

Marissa watched him walk away and then saw him return a few minutes later, carrying a huge bath towel. He wrapped it around her and instantly, in their minds, they were teenagers again, standing in the pool house right before they almost had their first kiss. But just like on that day, something interrupted the moment. Back then, it was a cell phone. Today, it was the sound of a child's voice.

"Daddy?"

Ryan turned around and saw Isabella standing at the foot of the steps. He walked over to her and scooped her up into his arms. Marissa tried her hardest to smile sincerely.

"Daddy, the thunder was really loud. It scared me."

"I know, sweetie. Do you remember Miss Marissa?"

"Uh-huh, but what is she doing here?"

"Her car broke, so she needed someplace to stay."

"Oh, okay. Will you come tuck me in?"

"Of course, baby."

Ryan started to walk upstairs, but turned around to face Marissa.

"If you're hungry, you can grab something to eat. Otherwise, just go straight down the hall to the living room."

Isabella waved at Marissa with her head on Ryan's shoulder as he carried her up the stairs. Marissa smiled and waved back, then made her way down the hall toward the kitchen. She walked over to the stove and put some water on to boil for tea. Then, she rummaged through Ryan's cupboards and found one pack of tea lying behind tons of boxes. She smiled, and pulled it out. As the water warmed up, she took in her surroundings and saw a few pictures above the stove. One was of her, him, Seth, and Summer on graduation day. Another was a Chrismukkah picture of him and the Cohens. The third was of him and Teresa at the senior prom, but it was tucked back. Marissa wondered if Isabella had ever seen this.

Then, she saw something underneath the senior prom picture. There were two folded pieces of paper. She lifted up the frame and took the papers out, making sure Ryan wasn't coming or standing right behind her. She unfolded the first picture and saw something that brought horrible memories back.

**flashback**

"_Ryan, if anything happens…"_

"_It won't. It won't."_

"_Listen to me. If anything happens…save the baby. Please."_

"_But, Marissa, I can't lose you."_

"_Promise me."_

"_I promise."_

**end flashback**

Marissa choked back tears and threw the ultrasound picture behind the senior prom frame. She didn't want to see that anymore. She didn't want to remember the pain.

Then, she hesitantly opened the second picture, not sure how she'd feel about this one. Ryan obviously wanted these pictures hidden, but for what reason? She knew why the first one had been concealed, and as she looked at the new picture in front of her, she knew why he had wanted to hide this one too. He had wanted to forget, but he just couldn't let her go. This picture was of their wedding day, right after the moment they had said "I do.".

"What are you doing?"

She screamed and dropped the picture as she saw Ryan standing behind her. She stood, shell-shocked, as the water began boiling. She wasn't sure what Ryan was going to do.

He walked over to the stove and poured her water into a cup. He turned the stove off and bent down to pick up the picture. Marissa stood shuffling her feet nervously.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been looking through your stuff."

"You want it?"

He stood up and looked her straight in the eyes.

"What?"

"Do you want this picture?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

He handed her the picture and a small electric shock ran through both of their bodies as their hands touched in the exchange, but neither of them wanted to say anything. She finished making her tea and they both sat down at the dining room table, watching the rain and lightning outside the window. Marissa took a few sips of her tea, then gathered up the courage to speak.

"This is a beautiful house."

"Thanks. Sandy and Kirsten bought it for us. It's not much, but after we moved back from Chino, it was much better than an apartment."

It had always been hard for Marissa to hear Ryan talking about "we" and "us" when they were apart and he was dating other people, but now it was even harder. He wasn't using those terms for a girlfriend anymore. He was using them for a child. His child.

"What happened to you and Teresa?"

"The same thing that happened to you and me."

"What does that mean?"

"She was pregnant, Marissa."

"I know. You told me she was the night we signed the divorce papers."

"Oh, right. I forgot about that. Um…she…"

Ryan stumbled over his words, and tried to continue. However, he had to pause for a few minutes. When he finally continued, Marissa's heart sank. Why had she even started this conversation?

"She died giving birth to Isabella. The doctor told me it was her or the baby, and she made me promise…"

It was like he couldn't breathe anymore. He had never really talked about this before.

"I had already broken a promise like that once. I wasn't going to do it again."

He looked up and his eyes connected with Marissa's. Both of them were thinking of the tragedy that had occurred between them, the thing that had torn them apart. She moved her chair closer to Ryan's and put her right hand on his face. His eyes closed as he sighed, but she kept hers firmly fixed on him. She knew she had caused him so much pain. She just wanted to take it away with the love she still had inside.

She reached for his other hand with hers, but he pulled away, standing up. He blinked a few times, eliminating any traces of tears from his eyes.

"I'm going to bed. There's some blankets by the couch."

He walked off, quickly. Marissa sighed and finished drinking her tea. Then, she found the couch and threw herself down, instantly comforted by the soft material. She fell asleep to the sound of the wind and rain banging against the windows, but only thinking of how she could make everything up to Ryan.


	17. The Dangers of Playing Pretend

ring ring

Marissa's eyes slowly opened as the house around her came into focus. Her heart jumped a little when she took in her surroundings, but then she remembered everything that had happened last night. She had finally found out why Teresa wasn't around and she felt horrible for wishing that it could just be her and Ryan again. Sure, she had gotten what she wanted, but Isabella had lost what she needed most: a mother.

ring ring

She looked at her phone. It read: Summer. She sat up and looked around quickly, making sure no one was around. Then, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Coop, thank God you're okay!"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I don't know, but you left the party early and then the biggest storm _ever_ hits Orange County and you never show up? I was worried sick!"

"Sorry about that. I should've called."

"Where are you?"

"Um…I'm lying on Ryan Atwood's couch."

"Naked?"

"What!"

"Did you have sex with him?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Oh, please Coop. Like you didn't wish it would happen."

"That doesn't even matter, Summer. He has a daughter now."

"So? Dads can't get laid?"

Marissa laughed.

"You're sick."

"I'm over that. So, listen, I need you to come with me to the store today. I'm having a fitting for my wedding gown and Seth is getting fitted for his tux. We were thinking that you and Ryan could come by and get fitted as well. After all, our best man and maid of honor have to look almost as amazing as us. Almost."

"Does Ryan know about this?"

"Once upon a time, you wooed him, Coop. I'm pretty sure you can get him to come and get fitted."

"Wooed, Summer?"

"I don't know what you did, but it doesn't matter now. Like you said, he's a dad now, a strictly off limits dad."

"Whatever, I'll talk to him. What time do you need us there?"

"Around noon? Does that work for you? It's about 11 now."

"Um…yeah, sure."

"Great. See you soon!"

Marissa hung up and started folding the blankets as she stood in front of the couch. When everything was cleaned up, she walked outside and saw Ryan standing in front of her car. The hood was popped open and only his body was visible. She walked up to the car and smiled.

"Good morning."

Ryan lifted his head quickly and whacked it on the hood of Marissa's car. He winced in pain as he used one hand to hold the back of his head and the other to close the hood.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. Your car's fixed."

"Great! Thanks so much."

"You're welcome."

The two of them just stood there for a few minutes in the awkward silence. Occasionally, they would catch each other's eye and smile, but mostly they appeared to be fascinated by the grass or the clouds. Not the type of smooth friendship Marissa had secretly been hoping for. Finally, she spoke up.

"Where's Isabella?"

"I took her over to the Cohens'. She wanted to spend the whole day and night with Grandma Kirsten and Grandpa Sandy."

"That's good because Summer wants us to get fitted for our wedding outfits today."

"Wedding outfits?"

"Best man tux? Maid of honor's dress? Things like that?"

"Oh, right. Well, I suppose I could do that."

"Cool."

Once again, the air was filled with silence. Marissa dug frantically through her purse, looking to find her keys, so that she could get out of there. She looked up, and smiled nervously, catching Ryan's eye.

"I'll drive?"

He smiled back and nodded.

"It's the least you can do. After all, you drank my last packet of tea last night. I really treasured that tea."

"Oh, shut up. It practically had cobwebs on it."

"That's how much I was treasuring it. I didn't want to let it go."

They laughed and got in the car, feeling slightly more comfortable with each other. Marissa was really trying to be his friend, and Ryan was really trying to fight off his feelings for her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they met up, Marissa and Summer went to the wedding gowns and Ryan and Seth went to the tuxedos. Summer picked out a few dresses and had them sent to a private dressing room. The boys were trying on tuxes right next to them, so they were constantly talking through the walls. Summer walked out of the dressing room in an ankle length strapless dress. Marissa clapped and nodded approvingly.

"It looks amazing, Sum. I would definitely consider that one."

"Thanks, Coop! I really like it too, but I totally need some water. That lady out front said that we could have some in here if we wanted. I think I'll change and go get some water for us, but I want to see what the rest of the dresses look like on a person. Will you try one more on for me? Please?"

Marissa was reluctant at first. She had been married before, and she didn't want any of the memories from that marriage to come back to her, particularly the bad ones. But then she remembered that she hadn't even worn a real gown to her wedding. So, she smiled.

"I suppose. It'll be fun."

Summer laughed and hugged her best friend. Then, she changed and walked out of the dressing room to find some water. Marissa changed into a full length wedding gown with a wide flowing skirt and sleeves made up of a few thin pieces of chiffon. She stood up tall and looked at herself in the mirror. She was so entranced by the girl in the mirror that she didn't even hear the door to the dressing room open.

"Hey Summer, Seth wants to know…"

Marissa whipped her head around and Ryan caught her looking windswept and absolutely devastating. He looked her up and down and finally said one word.

"Wow."

Marissa found herself giggling like a little girl. She finally caught her breath and smiled at Ryan.

"You think?"

"Definitely. You look gorgeous."

"You don't look too bad yourself."

Ryan looked down at his tux and smiled.

"Naturally."

"You're not conceited at all, are you?"

Ryan was shocked that Marissa had come back at him with a line he had used on her so many years ago. He looked up and she was beaming, proud of the fact that she had turned the tables on him. But he replied the same way she had five years ago.

"I'm hot and you know it."

Once again, they were laughing. Marissa started to walk over to her purse, but tripped on the step, beginning to fall. Ryan held out his arms and caught her. For a moment, Marissa had her arms around his neck again and he was holding her by the waist. The only noise she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating. She stared into his eyes and whispered.

"Are we really going to do this again?"

He took a deep breath and moved his hands up, so that one was on her back and the other was on her neck.

"We can't fight fate, Marissa."

She nodded and closed her eyes, moving her lips closer to his. She could finally feel his breath on her lips when Summer knocked on the dressing room door.

"Hey Coop, you decent? I found us some water."

Marissa gulped and choked back tears as she pulled away from Ryan's grasp. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, forcing her to look back at him. Her eyes were brimming with tears and they had turned cold.

"Please let go of me."

He released her wrist, but bitterly replied to her command.

"I've been trying for ten years."

He turned away and she walked briskly into the changing room. He opened the door for Summer.

"Hey Ryan. What are you doing in here?"

"Seth wanted me to ask you…"

Marissa could hear them carrying on a conversation, but she just sat in the darkened dressing room, still wearing the wedding gown and still trying to catch her breath. She could get over the moment she had just had with Ryan. What she couldn't get over was the fact that Ryan had admitted his feelings for the first time in forever and the fact that she was now the one who had to keep her secrets concealed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	18. Our Dance May Only Last The Night

That night, the four of them were sitting in Seth and Summer's apartment, eating takeout and watching reruns of The Valley. Seth and Summer were laughing at how silly the show seemed now that they were older, and Ryan seemed to be enjoying himself too. Marissa marveled at how well he was acting. Then again, maybe their encounter earlier had been the final straw. Maybe Ryan had finally had enough of Marissa. She stood up and grabbed her jacket.

"Where are you going, Coop?"

"I'm just gonna take a walk. I need some fresh air. You can start the next episode without me."

"Okay, well, I was going to tell you about this later, but if you walk to the left when you get to the beach for a little while, you'll see a surprise. Something that might be a bit of a comfort."

Marissa nodded and grabbed her purse.

"Thanks. I'll be back in a little bit."

She closed the door and walked outside. Finally, she was away from Ryan and she was able to collect her thoughts. The encounter earlier had sent her mind reeling. Did she still have those feelings for him? Could they really work this out? Deep down, she knew the answer was no, but she just couldn't help thinking, _what if?_

She walked to the left of the apartment building like Summer had told her, and pretty soon, she was back at the old lifeguard stand. Marissa smiled happily and ran towards it. As soon as she reached the ramp, she instantly ran up and sat down. The feeling of her back against that stand was a huge comfort. No matter what else had changed, this had stayed the same. She was finally home.

She closed her eyes for a few minutes, but then heard someone coming. Her eyes opened and she saw Ryan standing in front of the lifeguard stand, looking at it intently. Marissa spoke softly.

"It's been awhile."

He simply nodded. After a few moments, he walked up the ramp and sat next to Marissa. She noticed that he actually looked nervous. What was he going to say that would make him feel that badly? He cleared his throat and spoke.

"I can't keep doing this to you, and I can't keep doing this to myself. My focus needs to be on my daughter and you need to know that. I've been keeping some pretty strong feelings inside for the past ten years, and I would bet that you have too. So, I think tonight, it needs to end. For good."

Tears started to well up in Marissa's eyes. This was why he was so nervous. He knew he had to break her heart in order for them to move on.

"So, this is just it?"

"No. About five years ago, you said that we couldn't just end our relationship with a simple, 'It's over.' I couldn't agree more."

"Well then, what do you propose we do?"

He stood up and walked down the ramp, walking around the back of the lifeguard stand. Marissa tried her hardest not to cry. She didn't want this, but she didn't want to be selfish. She knew Ryan had responsibilities now, different ones from when they had been together. She had left him, and now she was realizing the consequences of her actions.

About a minute later, he returned carrying a small stereo. He placed it on the edge of the lifeguard stand and handed Marissa the plug. She turned around and plugged it in, not sure what he was doing. She turned back around and saw him pushing play. A song came on and Ryan held out his hand.

"May I have this last dance with you, Marissa Cooper?"

_Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while  
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies  
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst  
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?_

Let us die young or let us live forever  
We don't have the power but we never say never  
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip  
The music's for the sad men

The tears started to flow down her cheeks, but she nodded and walked down the ramp to meet him. She took his hand and stood against him, swaying to their song. He put one arm around her back as she turned her head so that it rested on his shoulder.

_Can you imagine when this race is won  
Turn our golden faces into the sun  
Praising our leaders were getting in tune  
The music's played by the madmen_

Forever young, I want to be forever young  
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Marissa could feel Ryan's hand tighten on her back as she let out a small sigh. Letting each other go was going to be the hardest thing either of them had ever had to do. As he moved his hand further down, resting on her waist, she wanted to tell him that it was all right for him to hold her possessively like he just had been. If only he would say something, she would be his forever. It had taken her ten years to realize this, and now, it was too late.

_Some are like water, some are like the heat  
Some are a melody and some are the beat  
Sooner or later they all will be gone  
Why don't they stay young_

Its so hard to get old without a cause  
I don't want to perish like a fading horse  
Youth is like diamonds in the sun  
And diamonds are forever  


Why had she agreed to let him go? Why couldn't she say something now?

Why had he told her that it was over between them? Why couldn't he apologize?

Both of them knew why. They were different people and the choices the two of them had made separately were the reasons why they couldn't be together. Their dance would only last the night, but they would feel young forever.

_So many adventures couldn't happen today  
So many songs we forgot to play  
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue  
We let them come true_

_Forever young, I want to be forever young  
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever_

The song ended and Marissa could feel Ryan's hand slide off her waist. He held her hand tightly and they moved apart. He looked into her eyes one last time and started to walk away. But Marissa held his grasp. A sudden sense of panic had come over her. She couldn't leave him.

"No, you can't go."

He stepped back closer to her and looked into her eyes, questioning what she had just said.

"You can't leave me. I can't be without you."

Suddenly, the expression on his face turned angry. He didn't want to yell at her or upset her, but he just couldn't help it. This issue was something that had been building for the past ten years.

"_I_ can't leave _you_! Did I hear that right?"

"Ryan, everything I've ever done to hurt you, it's been a mistake."

"You think?"

"Please don't talk to me like that."

"You told me that I can't leave you! If that isn't the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard, I don't know what is!"

"Look, I know you're upset with what I've done…"

"You're damn right I'm upset! You _left_ me!"

"I couldn't handle what you did. You betrayed me. But I've had time to heal, to let those things go."

"You willingly killed someone! How am I supposed to be with you, to trust you?"

"Because I did that for you!"

"Why do you think that baby's dead, Marissa!"

Both of them were breathing heavily and standing about three feet apart. In that moment, they realized each of them had no reasons to judge each other because they had done the same things for the same reason. Love.

"I killed her because I loved you, but that was before I knew what you did to Volchok for me. How could you have lay in that hospital bed screaming at me for killing someone when you had done the same thing? She was my _daughter_! Do you even know how old she would have been this year?"

Ryan started to walk away, leaving Marissa with her thoughts. But she ran in front of him and stopped his movement. She would be the one to get the last word.

"Ten. Today was her due date."

With that, she ran back toward Summer's house, opening the door that had been left unlocked. She looked back and saw Ryan standing on the beach, looking out toward the ocean. She was fired up and depressed at the same time. She had to get out of there. So, she grabbed her car keys and left the apartment, peeling out into the street to collect her thoughts. She needed a drink.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Song credit: "Forever Young" remade by Youth Group


	19. You're The Only One That Understands

About an hour later, Marissa pulled her car back into Summer's apartment's driveway and turned it off. She got out and pulled the small bottle of vodka she had purchased out of the car before slamming the door and took a long swig. She gasped and coughed as the liquid burned her throat. She hadn't been drinking like this in a long time.

She caught herself before she fell and stumbled along the beach, searching for the lifeguard stand. She shivered as the cold ocean breeze blew past. In her struggle to keep warm, she dropped the bottle, but decided to keep walking. She knew that if she tried to search for it now, she would get dizzy and fall. Then, she might not get up, and she didn't want to be found sleeping face down in the sand the next morning. Seth and Summer would understand why she wanted to sleep out on the lifeguard stand. However, so would the man who was sitting there, dozing off.

Marissa forced herself up the ramp, but eventually fell down onto the hard surface. This jolted Ryan awake and he saw her eyes as he had seen them too many times before, glazed over and bloodshot. Why was she _still_ so damn beautiful?

Both of them sat with their backs against the lifeguard stand, looking out at the dark night and the ocean. Marissa wanted to leave, but she knew she wouldn't be able to make it all the way back to the apartment without looking like a complete idiot. Plus, there was something about Ryan that just made her want to stay. She didn't want to leave him anymore. She closed her eyes and felt strangely comforted by the fact that he was sitting just inches away from her.

He looked over and saw Marissa's whole body shivering. Her face looked content, but her body looked like it was screaming out in pain from the cold. He took his old Harbor sweatshirt off and started to put it around her shoulders. Marissa opened her eyes as she felt the sweatshirt on her skin. It was warm and it smelled like Ryan. She took it and put it on fully, and her body was instantly warmed up. That was when she looked over and saw that Ryan was left only in a thin t-shirt.

"I'm sorry. Do you want it back?"

"No."

He turned to look at her and their eyes connected, making them the only two people in the world. Marissa wanted to say thank you, but she couldn't. She felt like if she tried to say anything, she was going to burst out into tears. She managed to squeak out one word.

"Thanks."

But she had been right and soon, the tears started to flow. They were soft and quiet at first, but soon became hard sobs. Ryan reached over and took her into his arms. He moved her so that her back was resting against his chest. He moved his hand through her hair and kissed her forehead, trying to make her crying stop. No matter what had happened between the two of them, he still felt the need to save her. And she had always had that safety net of knowing he would. She was still sobbing when she spoke.

"Why don't you love me anymore?!"

"I do love you, I do…"

Ryan put his arms around her and squeezed her tighter, pressing her body closer to his. Both of them were shivering again. They hadn't felt contact like this in so long. What Ryan had said was true. He did still love her. However, deep inside, he felt like saying something more.

_I just can't forgive you._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Seth and Summer were walking along the beach, hand in hand. They were spending their last few hours together before Seth had to leave. They weren't saying much as they watched the sunrise together, but then they saw the lifeguard stand and decided to sit down and watch the sun rise there. However, their plans were quickly ruined by the sight that their eyes fell upon.

Ryan's arms were wrapped protectively around Marissa as her back lay against his chest. Her head was on his shoulder, turned toward his neck. His head was against the back of the stand, and his right leg was crossed over hers. Both of them seemed to be sound asleep, content with the world and with each other.

"Hey Cohen?"

Summer turned to face her fiancée.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll ever feel like Ryan and Marissa?"

Summer was referring to all the trouble that the two of them had been through over the years. She never wanted to go through the type of heartbreak that she had watched her best friend experience. But all Seth could think of was how Ryan had always been Marissa's white knight, no matter what. So, he simply smiled.

"I hope so."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Ryan opened his eyes, he saw the empty beach in front of him. The sun was low in the sky, so he figured it was about 9:00. He moved his hand up to rub his eyes, but then he felt something that made him look down. And then he remembered.

Marissa had moved her head so that it was down on Ryan's chest and her body was turned to the left. He loved the feeling of her warm body lying on top of him, but a voice in his head was practically screaming, _This is wrong._

He adjusted his body so that he could put one hand on the small of her back and another underneath her knees. He lifted her up and laid her body down on the lifeguard stand. Once he had stood up and felt comfortable enough to walk, he lifted her up once more and began to carry her body away from the beach and toward Summer's apartment.

Once there, he unlocked the door and laid Marissa on the couch, gently. He tenderly laid a blanket over her and saw a note on the side table from Summer. It read: "Went to have breakfast with Seth and drive him to the airport. I have some stuff to pick up and some appointments for the wedding, so I probably won't be back till later tonight. Marissa, help yourself to whatever food you can find."

Ryan sighed and was about to take off when Marissa stirred. She coughed lightly and opened her eyes, noticing him as the first thing she saw. He walked over and kneeled in front of the couch.

"You okay? Can I do anything for you before I go?"

Marissa blinked a few times and sighed. She turned away from him for a second, but then turned her head back to look him straight in the eye.

"You could kiss me."

He groaned. Why did she have to make this so much harder for him?

"Marissa, I…"

Without another word, Marissa reached up and grabbed a handful of Ryan's shirt. She pulled him down on top of her until their lips came together in a kiss overflowing with passion. The way she saw things, she had nothing to lose. He could either accept or reject her kiss, but it wouldn't matter. However, it didn't seem like he was going to reject her because he threw off his own shirt and put his hand on the back of her head to pull her closer to him. She watched as his Harbor sweatshirt fell to the floor, and then she moved her free hand to start unbuttoning her own shirt. Suddenly, she felt his hand push hers away from her own body. He wanted to take control, if it was the last sane thing he ever did.

Ryan unbuttoned Marissa's shirt at a painstakingly slow pace. She arched her body up to meet his hands, so that maybe, they could speed up the process. Neither of them was thinking clearly in those moments. The only thoughts they had were of their desire for each other. When both of them were fully undressed, Ryan moved on to the couch, so that he could be as close to Marissa as possible. She gripped his back, leaving marks where her nails dug into his skin. Her breath was short and ragged, but she wouldn't have had it any other way. When the two of them finally collapsed together, Ryan kissed her shoulder and her neck, trying to steady their breathing again. Marissa whispered, her voice low.

"Don't let me go. Don't let me fall again."

He nodded and left a few kisses on her swollen lips. Ryan noticed Marissa's eyes fluttering closed as the world fell back down upon them.


	20. The One That Got Away

Later in the day, Marissa opened her eyes and saw that she was still lying in Summer's apartment. She was covered by a blanket, but her clothes were still strewn across the floor. She sat up, looking for Ryan. She called his name a few times, and came to the conclusion that he wasn't there anymore. She lay back down, eyes open, and bit her nails nervously. What was she going to do? Now that she and Ryan had finally slept together again, after all those years, were they a couple again? What would that mean for Isabella?

She quickly stood up and began to dress. She walked into Summer's bathroom, brushed her teeth and hair, and hastily put on some make-up so that she didn't look like a complete wreck. Finally, she grabbed her car keys and headed toward that house she had been stranded in front of on her first day back in Newport. She needed answers, and she couldn't wait another minute to get them.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When Marissa arrived at Ryan's new house, she rang the doorbell and waited impatiently for someone to come to the door. It wasn't long before the door opened, revealing Isabella in a cute red sundress with a matching red bow in her hair.

"Hi Marissa!"

"Hey Isabella. How are you?"

"Good. I just beat Daddy in a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos! Do you want to come in and play?"

"I don't think Miss Marissa is staying for very long, sweetie."

Marissa looked up and saw Ryan standing right behind his daughter. She smiled and tried to hide the feelings that stirred inside her every time he was around.

"Awww, Daddy, can't she stay? Please??"

"Why don't you go back inside and set up another game while the grownups talk for a minute?"

Isabella smiled and nodded, bouncing back inside the house. Ryan walked outside and shut the door behind him. Marissa smiled, not really sure what to say. She leaned forward to give him a small peck on the lips, but he turned so that she came in contact with his cheek. She stepped back and looked at him, confused.

"What was that for?"

"I told you I can't do this anymore."

"But what about this morning?"

"This morning…this morning was a mistake, and it can't happen again. I'm sorry that I gave in, and that I have to say this to you. I just…I meant what I said last night about my daughter and our life. I think it would be best if we saw as little of each other as possible from now on. I can't afford for Izzy to get attached to you and get her heart broken when you decide to leave, which, from my experience, always seems to happen."

"I can't believe this. Don't you understand how much I love you? I would do anything for you!"

"You know, you say that, Marissa, but it never happens! How many times do you expect me to fall for your broken promises? How many times do you expect me to let Isabella go through that?"

"None! I've changed now! That's why I came back! I wanted to show everyone here that I was okay!"

"After ten years! How long are we supposed to wait the next time you run away? You can't keep acting like a child! Back in high school, I was willing to deal with it! We were crazy, hormonal teenagers. But now we're adults, and I won't let you screw with me anymore."

"That's funny because you seemed to be okay with screwing me this morning!"

"You know it's not like that!"

"Then, what's it like? Hmm, Ryan, what the fuck is it like?"

"I need you to go."

"I'm gone."

Marissa angrily brushed the tears from her eyes and stomped off to her car. Ryan walked inside the house and shut the door, not even bothering to turn around and watch her go.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A few months later, as Summer and Seth were putting the finishing touches on their wedding, Ryan and Marissa spent the least amount of time possible together. Marissa would help Summer with bride's duties, while Ryan devoted himself to helping Seth. At the rehearsal dinner, they both sat, stiff and angry, not saying a word to each other. The night before the wedding, Ryan was sitting on his couch, reading a bedtime story to Isabella when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Ryan, it's Summer. We have a huge problem."

"What's wrong?"

She spoke carefully, afraid to upset Ryan.

"I just got off the phone with Marissa. She was drinking, worse than I've ever heard her. I could barely understand half of the things she was saying."

Ryan sighed angrily. He didn't need to deal with this. He wanted, so much, to use his daughter as an excuse to say no, but the truth was, she was the reason he said yes.

"Where is she, Summer?"

"From what I could understand, she said that she had called a cab and she was going to the airport. She told me that she hoped the wedding went well, but that I needed a new maid of honor, and a new best friend while I was at it."

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No, but we hung up about ten minutes ago."

Ryan could hear Summer starting to cry on the other side of the phone. She never wanted anything bad to happen to her best friend, and now, all she could do was wait to make sure she was okay.

"I'll find her. Stay by the phone."

With those words, Ryan hung up the phone and left to save Marissa Cooper one last time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	21. I Fall The Hardest When I'm With You

Is it too late for Ryan to save Marissa from falling apart? Or is he just in time to catch her?

Song credit: "Make This Go On Forever" by Snow Patrol

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ryan drove up to Summer's house and picked Isabella, who was half asleep, up out of the passenger seat. He dropped her off and raced toward the airport. When he got there, he searched around frantically, looking for Marissa. She wasn't at the gate, so he took that as a sign that she hadn't left yet. Just then, he saw her going up the escalator. He barreled through a large group of people and ran to catch her. She was stepping off the escalator when he called her.

"Marissa!"

She turned around and started to go down the down escalator.

"What the fuck do you want?"

A few people turned and glared at her as the two of them continued to move up and down, trying to stay at a place on the escalators where they could both communicate.

"Summer called me and told me you were in trouble."

"I don't need you to save me again, Ryan."

"See, that? That's bullshit!"

"What are you talking about?"

More people scoffed and walked past Ryan and Marissa on the escalators. They didn't have time to stand and watch these two people argue.

"If you didn't need me to save you, I wouldn't be here! You called Summer and you knew she couldn't handle this! You _knew_ I'd be here!"

"I don't want you here!"

"Stop _fucking_ lying to me, Marissa!"

Everyone turned and stared, including Marissa. Ryan sounded so angry, like he had finally snapped. He had had enough of the way she treated him, and it was going to end tonight.

"You can play your games with other people, but they don't work with me anymore! You use me so much and you don't even realize it! I can handle the fact that I had a bad childhood. I can handle the fact that I never had a real family until I was 16. But what I can't handle is that _you're _the one who's always had everything, yet _always_ needs to be saved! When is it my turn, huh? When are you _ever _going to save me?"

Ryan was fired up. He couldn't remember the last time he had ever talked so much, so passionately. Then, a single memory popped into his head of the last time he had talked like this. He had just been a scared 16 year old kid, sitting at the top of the Ferris wheel.

He and Marissa locked eyes, and he saw hers sparkling with tears of regret. She spoke, as they stood at the same point on opposite escalators.

"What can I do?"

His eyes turned hard and cold.

"Go wherever you're running away to…but don't come back."

Ryan let himself drift up the escalator, turning his back on the girl he once loved more than anything. He walked away, not bothering to look back. Marissa ran down her escalator and shot up the other one. She had to let him know how she felt, before it was too late. She sprinted toward him and he suddenly felt her small hand forcefully tug on his wrist.

He only had a few moments to study the fire in her eyes before her lips crashed into his. She pulled on his arm and pressed her body against him. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she moaned satisfactorily. They moved together, so that their tongues could explore each other's mouths and only broke apart when the need to breathe overcame their desire. Ryan smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. Marissa whispered a few words as she leaned forward, allowing their foreheads to touch.

"I think I'm finally ready to fall again."

"I'll always be here to catch you."

"Good, because I always fall the hardest when I'm with you."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Seth and Summer stood in the middle of the dance floor, finishing their first dance as husband and wife. They smiled and shared a small kiss. Then, Seth took the microphone and pointed toward the doors leading to the hallway outside the reception hall.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we know that tonight is about us and our families, but most importantly, it's about love. So now, we'd like to introduce our best man and maid of honor to share a dance together. Without further adieu, please welcome Miss Marissa Cooper and Mr. Ryan Atwood."

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not  
I can only give you everything I've got  
I can't be as sorry as you think I should  
But I still love you more than anyone else could_

The doors opened and Ryan and Marissa walked into the hall together hand-in-hand, as a slow melody started to play. Ryan looked charming in a sleek black tuxedo and Marissa's beauty shone brightly as she wore a light pink dress that flowed down to her ankles and tied around the back. They turned toward each other and smiled lightly, Marissa curtsying to her date. He moved his arm and placed it around her waist, still keeping their other hands held together. They moved closer together and he whispered.

_All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight  
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right  
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long  
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong_

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything  
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

"Are you scared?"

"Of what?"

"This. It isn't going to be easy, you know."

"Has it ever been?"

They smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder. They moved slowly, in time with the music, knowing that everyone they loved was watching them, judging them.

_We have got through so much worse than this before  
What's so different this time that you can't ignore  
You say it is much more than just my last mistake  
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes_

Kirsten and Sandy Cohen smiled at their son. He had been a wreck without her. As much as their relationship had left scars on his heart, they knew that Marissa would be the only one who could ever heal him.

_The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything  
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love_

Jimmy and Julie Cooper looked proudly on their daughter. She had a few rough patches in life, even one that had lasted ten years. But she was back in Ryan's arms where they both had to admit that she belonged.

_The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything  
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love_

Summer was standing with her back against Seth, and she was positively glowing. Seth's arms were wrapped around her and he kissed the top of her head. Both of them were smiling for their love and the love that their friends shared. The love that finally brought them back together.

_And I don't know where to look  
My words just break and melt  
Please just save me from this darkness_

Ryan spun Marissa out, and then safely back into his arms. He smiled, feeling her head resting against his chest. This was definitely what felt right. After everything they had known, together and apart, nothing felt safer than being in each other's arms.

_And I don't know where to look  
My words just break and melt  
Please just save me from this darkness_


	22. One Last Surprise

Last chapter!! Ending's a little cheesy, but hey…who doesn't love a happy ending:D

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

As the song ended, everyone clapped again and a few people cheered. Ryan lifted Marissa's chin and softly kissed her for everyone to witness. Seth grabbed the microphone once again and spoke.

"Hey, you two, stop stealing the spotlight! Let's dance!"

The DJ put a new, faster song on and Ryan and Marissa looked over to see the new married couple beaming at them. Marissa started to walk over and congratulate Summer again when Ryan grabbed her hand.

"No, come with me."

She nodded and held on to his hand as he led her out of the ballroom onto a private balcony. There was a small table with two chairs and Ryan took a seat in one of them, motioning for Marissa to do the same in the other chair.

"I need to tell you something."

Marissa looked confused. She had never seen him look so anxious before.

"What's going on?"

"Five years ago, when we had sex the night we were getting divorced, something happened. Later, you had a secret, something you only told Summer."

He knew about the pregnancy. Her face turned white as a ghost and she stuttered to explain herself and her actions.

"Ryan, I couldn't be a mom when I had you to love me. How was I going to be one when I was alone?"

"I'm not blaming you for anything, Marissa. But you should know that Summer told me and I told Luke. We kept it quiet because we didn't want to scare you into acting irrationally. Then Luke said that you had given the baby up for adoption because you knew you couldn't handle raising her."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing you need to be sorry for because that baby has a good home now."

"What are you talking about?"

Marissa's eyes were starting to water with the hint of tears. Ryan got down on one knee and Isabella walked out onto the balcony, wearing a beautiful lavender dress and carrying a small box. She sat down on her father's knee and opened the box. Inside was a small ring with a pink diamond in the middle and two white diamonds on each side. Isabella spoke quietly.

"Miss Marissa, are you my mommy?"

Marissa felt tears of joy falling down her cheeks. The single father who had adopted her child had been Ryan, the baby's real father. She smiled and laughed slightly.

"I'm beginning to think so."

Isabella smiled excitedly.

"Then, will you marry my daddy?"

Marissa bit her lip and grinned. Her eyes were glowing as she reached for the small ring. She placed it on her finger and nodded.

"I would love to marry your daddy."

The little girl laughed happily and hugged her new mom. Marissa picked up the little girl and held her in her arms. Ryan was beaming as he threw his arms around the two girls he loved most in the world. Marissa was finally going to be his wife again and Isabella finally had two parents. They were all finally a family after so long.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, as Seth and Summer were getting in their convertible to go on their honeymoon, Summer hopped out of the passenger seat and ran toward her best friend, who was standing in front of Ryan's house with the Cohens, her daughter, and her fiancée.

"Coop, we want you to come with us."

"Summer, what are you talking about?"

"We're going to Fiji for our honeymoon and we want you and Ryan to come."

"No, it's your special time with your brand new husband. I can't intrude on that."

"Please, I'll be with his royal emo geekiness for the rest of my life. I want to have this one last fling with my two best friends."

"Well…"

Marissa looked back reluctantly and saw that Ryan was gone. Isabella ran up to her and kissed Marissa's cheek.

"Bye Mommy. I'll miss you."

Marissa looked up and saw Ryan holding two suitcases. She smiled and laughed, turning back to Summer, who was wearing a mischievous look on her face.

"What can I say? I've still got some sneakiness left in me."

Ryan made sure that the Cohens were okay with taking care of Isabella for two weeks, and then jumped in the backseat of the car, holding his hand out to Marissa. Summer jumped back into the car and yelled for her best friend to get in before they left without her. Marissa sighed happily and jumped next to Ryan. The two of them sat on the top of the seats and laughed as the wind blew on their faces as the car moved along. All the two of them could do was laugh as they watched the tin cans connected to the cars bumper tinkling behind them. Ryan Atwood and Marissa Cooper no longer had to suffer for love anymore. They had found their soul mates in each other. And Marissa had finally stopped running.


End file.
